22 Nov
2005
22 Nov
'05
1:15 p.m.
A fellow dancer sent this question to me and thought it would be a good
thing to discuss. As dancers on the floor, how far do we go to protect
the friends that we bring from the less pleasant side of the contra
dance scene and provide them with a more pleasant experience?
Chris
I was wondering if I could ask your both your thoughts
and/or provoke a discussion on the callers discussion
list.
Last night I brought a guest to the VFW, who had never
contra danced before. When I have done this before I
have usually been able to teach them a few basic
steps, dance the first couple of dances with them,
then let them (and myself!) loose to dance with
whomever. But last night I first went to the restroom,
and came out to find someone teaching my friend the
basics. I had no problem with this as such, but, as
far as I could gather from everyone elses reaction, he
wasnt a particularly good dancer, and I noticed from
then on that my guest seemed to be quite a magnet for
so-so dancers. So this leads to a question of - what
should I have done? Made lots of booking for her with
guys I know are good dancers? I also wasn't quite sure
what to do about the person who was showing her the
steps - I think it is a good part of the scene that
people notice new faces and try to get them into the
dance, but what can you do if you realise those same
people aren't the best introduction, especially if you
dont want to be rude by telling them they aren't a
good enough dancer, etc. He was quite persistent about
trying to dance with her later, which she was trying
to avoid.
There is also the inherent problem of - I know who the
good female dancers are, but who the good male dancers
are is more from an impression or reputation.
Any thoughts appreciated! Actually I had hoped to
bring another couple of people last night, one of whom
is truely statuesque, and would I am sure have
produced a feeding frenzy amongst the male (and
perhaps some of the female!) dancers...
22 Nov
22 Nov
2:27 p.m.
Here's what I've seen work well. Once in a while a friend at a dance
will tell me that they have brought a friend who has never danced
before and ask me to dance with her. While dancing with a new dancer, I
may also point out the better dancers in the line and suggest that she
ask some of them herself. (most people are happy to dance with someone
who tells them that they have been highly recommended!) I would not
hesitate to ask a few of the better dancers that I know to dance with a
guest who has never danced before. This helps to avoid the problem of a
new dancers sitting out much of the time if there are more women then
men at the dance and it also solves the problem that you describe, at
least part of the time. In many cases the better dancers need to be
pointed towards a new dancers, as they often find an experienced dance
partner quickly (and end up in the center set - but that's another
problem...)
So the bottom line is communicate:
1. Ask good dancer friends to dance with your new dancer friend.
2. Point out better dancers to your friend and ask him/her to ask them
to dance.
Sometimes callers can help as well. As a caller, welcome new dancers and
ask experienced dancers to help them. Ask new dancers to dance with
experienced dancers and ask experienced dancers to look for and dance
with the new comers.
These things can help to keep a new dancer coming back, and also can
provide others to help "protect" your friend, if necessary.
Rich Hart.
Chris Weiler wrote:
A fellow dancer sent this question to me and thought it
would be a good
thing to discuss. As dancers on the floor, how far do we go to protect
the friends that we bring from the less pleasant side of the contra
dance scene and provide them with a more pleasant experience?
Chris
I was wondering if I could ask your both your
thoughts
and/or provoke a discussion on the callers discussion
list.
Last night I brought a guest to the VFW, who had never
contra danced before.
... So this leads to a question of - what
should I have done? Made lots of booking for her with
guys I know are good dancers?
There is also the inherent problem of - I know who the
good female dancers are, but who the good male dancers
are is more from an impression or reputation.
Any thoughts appreciated! Actually I had hoped to
bring another couple of people last night, one of whom
is truely statuesque, and would I am sure have
produced a feeding frenzy amongst the male (and
perhaps some of the female!) dancers...
_______________________________________________
Callers mailing list
Callers(a)sharedweight.net
http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers
4:10 p.m.
New subject: Fwd: Contra dance guests and booking ahead
one thing i have done is give a lesson to a friend BEFORE going to the
dance. if you're travelling together, pick him/her up about 10 minutes
early and teach a swing. if you can manage, explain/teach a courtesy turn
(easier with more people, but possible with just the two of you).
if they know how to swing and know that ladies are almost always on the
right at the end of almost every figure, pretty much everything else can be
learned at the dance.
as a caller, i like people to tell me they've brought beginners, especially
if i don't get to teach a beginners' class. truthfully, most of the time -
i can tell!!
also as a caller, i make a point of saying something like "who's new to the
dance tonight? raise your hand! welcome to the party! everybody say hello
to our new friends..." or something like that. then i very specifically ask
the "experienced" male dancers to help by NOT twirling any woman that they
don't already know. "let everybody figure out which way they're going
before you add too much stuff, ok? thanks so much for your help!" if i see
guys spinning new ladies around, i'm not shy about talking to them between
dances (or even when they're out at the top of the line.)
as far as booking - i definitely go and ask all my favorite
beginner-friendly dancers to help out, at least for the first half of the
dance. guys who live to twirl their partners are NOT on this list. dancers
who are always on time for the next figure are at the top of this list.
as a caller, i think of myself as a "party hostess". it's my job to see
that everyone has the opportunity to have a good time at the dance - i can't
force them to have a good experience, but there are a lot of things i can do
to see to it that the environment is right.
if someone at the dance snags your friend and tries to teach them to swing,
or whatever, in a way that you don't think is right, explain to your friend
that everybody has their own way of doing things and there's room for a lot
of creativity at the dance. then say "i think this is a better way to
swing" and teach them again.
barb
http://www.barbkirchner.us
----Original Message Follows----
From: Chris Weiler <chris.weiler(a)weirdtable.org>
To: Shared Weight <callers(a)sharedweight.net>
Subject: [Callers] Fwd: Contra dance guests and booking ahead
Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2005 08:15:44 -0500
A fellow dancer sent this question to me and thought it would be a good
thing to discuss. As dancers on the floor, how far do we go to protect
the friends that we bring from the less pleasant side of the contra
dance scene and provide them with a more pleasant experience?
Chris
I was wondering if I could ask your both your thoughts
and/or provoke a discussion on the callers discussion
list.
Last night I brought a guest to the VFW, who had never
contra danced before. When I have done this before I
have usually been able to teach them a few basic
steps, dance the first couple of dances with them,
then let them (and myself!) loose to dance with
whomever. But last night I first went to the restroom,
and came out to find someone teaching my friend the
basics. I had no problem with this as such, but, as
far as I could gather from everyone elses reaction, he
wasnt a particularly good dancer, and I noticed from
then on that my guest seemed to be quite a magnet for
so-so dancers. So this leads to a question of - what
should I have done? Made lots of booking for her with
guys I know are good dancers? I also wasn't quite sure
what to do about the person who was showing her the
steps - I think it is a good part of the scene that
people notice new faces and try to get them into the
dance, but what can you do if you realise those same
people aren't the best introduction, especially if you
dont want to be rude by telling them they aren't a
good enough dancer, etc. He was quite persistent about
trying to dance with her later, which she was trying
to avoid.
There is also the inherent problem of - I know who the
good female dancers are, but who the good male dancers
are is more from an impression or reputation.
Any thoughts appreciated! Actually I had hoped to
bring another couple of people last night, one of whom
is truely statuesque, and would I am sure have
produced a feeding frenzy amongst the male (and
perhaps some of the female!) dancers...
_______________________________________________
Callers mailing list
Callers(a)sharedweight.net
http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers
23 Nov
23 Nov
4:46 a.m.
I agree with everything everyone else has written,
especially about introducing new dancers to your
experienced friends.
It's all about networking, and I have networked with
new women I've just met in an effort to make them feel
welcome at the dance. I give them hints such as,"Try and
dance with different partners, and if someone asks you for
a second dance and you aren't comfortable with that, it's
perfectly OK to say, "I'm sorry; I've already danced with you
this evening. I'd like to meet other people as well.'" Or if you
feel uneasy about a potential partner, just say,"No thank you,"
or "I'm sorry," smile, and walk away. Don't take
it personally if you ask someone to dance and he refuses;
there's a lot going on in an evening and we can't know everything.
I mention the above boundary-buiding skills because at our
large urban Boston dances, we have men whom I call
Venus Flytraps. These are the men who do not have good
social behaviors, aren't great dancers and who lie in wait for
new, unsuspecting females to enter the hall.
I know the gentleman to whom the original writer referred,
and I myself had to perform a social inetervention around him
this past Monday when I was calling at the Concord Scout
House. I noticed he had zeroed in on a new woman, had
danced with her twice in the first half, had done the waltz with
her and was now cornering her in conversation, under the
guise of showing her the fine points of dance moves
(and he's a terrible dancer!). Alarm bells went off.
All the regulars know about this dancer and have
seen him drive women away from the dances (and the regulars
do not like to dance with him or near him).So I went up to two
strong women in the community, explained
that an intervention was needed, and watched as they gently
interrupted the conversation and scooped the newcomer up into a
gaggle of women (her response, "Wow, people are friendly here!").
Then I ran around and lined up a few partners for her for the
second half.
I contend that any well-known dancer in our community
could have done the same thing, and others have in the past.
It was not just because I was the caller that I could rally the
troops in such a fashion.
It's true that a lot of people complain about this man, but
I contend that everyone has a purpose, and his is to build
community, no matter how inadvertently (he's not dangerous,
just distasteful). Various organizers have talked with him about
his dancing and about his lying in wait at the front entrance.
He just doesn't get it, so we have to get it and pass it on.
-- Lisa
1:44 p.m.
Any chance I could share this message on our local listserv? We've been
dealing with our own similar situation of late.
At 11:46 PM 11/22/2005, Lisa Greenleaf wrote:
interrupted the conversation and scooped the newcomer
up into a
gaggle of women (her response, "Wow, people are friendly here!").
Then I ran around and lined up a few partners for her for the
second half.
Great community in action! I remember stories of dancers at a small local
dance in a southern state where the woman would take turns dancing with a
male so that he wouldn't constantly hit on the new young females.
2:51 p.m.
On Nov 23, 2005, at 8:44 AM, Seth Tepfer wrote:
Any chance I could share this message on our local
listserv? We've
been dealing with our own similar situation of late.
At 11:46 PM 11/22/2005, Lisa Greenleaf wrote:
Fine with me--it's all networking!
-- Lisa
interrupted the conversation and scooped the
newcomer up into a
gaggle of women (her response, "Wow, people are friendly here!").
Then I ran around and lined up a few partners for her for the
second half.
Great community in action! I remember stories of dancers at a small
local dance in a southern state where the woman would take turns
dancing with a male so that he wouldn't constantly hit on the new
young females.
3:18 p.m.
At 09:51 AM 11/23/2005, Lisa Greenleaf wrote:
Fine with me--it's all networking!
Thanks - and have a happy thanksgiving!
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6 comments
5 participants
participants (5)
-
barb kirchner -
Chris Weiler -
Lisa Greenleaf -
Richard Hart -
Seth Tepfer