[Callers] Re: "Assigning" roles in the beginners' lesson?

I must say that I am very disappointed to hear that male dancers are still attempting to forcibly split female couples up so that men don't have to sit out or dance with other men.  We need to figure out whether this desire for these actions is somehow steeped in "tradition" or whether it is based in some sort of discomfort that some men have in being in a swing with other men, which some see as some sort of intimate embrace.   One of the things that I have learned that gender free dances do is to create a safe space for all to dance with people of all genders in both roles.  That safety and inclusiveness is definitely not a hallmark when two women choose to dance with each other and men are trying to split them up.  This shouldn't be happening even if the role terms are gendered, because we want people to have the ability to dance with the partner of their choice, regardless of reason.   I think in this era of contra dancing, the mid 2020s, that all people who contra dance should *expect* to encounter people of the same gender as a neighbor, and act in an inclusive manner, and that might mean swinging.  That's even if they choose to only dance with people of other genders in the gents role only.  Unless your dance is completely heteronormative in that same-gender dancing is frowned upon, in which case it's not an inclusive dance because it excludes people who wish to dance either role for whatever reason.   I'm not sure where the notion of male/female couples being "traditional" came from, but it totally reminds me of the argument for "traditional" marriage (meaning one man, one woman) as an excuse to ban same-gender marriages.  We need to be accepting of all forms of coupling on the dance floor if we aim to be an inclusive dance form. Perry On Tuesday, March 12, 2024 at 07:51:02 AM EDT, Louise Siddons via Contra Callers <contracallers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote: Colin wrote: I wasn't going to get involved in all this, but I have to side with Ken Panton - I'm a man and I certainly prefer dancing with women.  And I very much enjoy dancing with Louise Siddons even though she may generally have a different preference. It always surprises me when people bring sexuality into this conversation, even though at this point I should know better. I enjoy dancing with Colin, just as I enjoy dancing with anyone who is a good dancer (or making a good-faith effort, or having a tonne of fun) and an interesting, kind, thoughtful human being, and I am pleased that we are friends both on and off the dance floor. When he (or anyone) asks me to dance, my first thought is not “oh good, I'm sexually attracted to this person” — it’s “oh good, this will be fun!” Recently at a contra dance I was separated from my partner, a woman, by two men who didn’t want to dance with each other and perceived my partner and I as acceptable alternatives. I was visibly upset by it and declined to dance at all; I am not a commodity). One of the men came over afterwards to apologise (as did my partner; older than me and not in her home community, I think she felt more social pressure to accede). He explained that he knew how I felt because he “has a daughter like you” — meaning, lesbian. I explained back to him that I wasn’t upset because I’m a lesbian, I was upset because I had asked someone to dance, they had accepted, and that agreement had been disregarded in deference to two men’s discomfort. To be honest, I am squicked out by the idea that someone looks at me dancing with another person and thinks first of my sexuality — that’s a creepy worldview in the context of contra dancing. There are dance communities determined to hold onto a heterocentric model, and that’s their choice — but we are, as a society, attempting to heal from a long — but ultimately quite recent — history of toxic gender models and so I think it’s a bad choice. Men being afraid or disgusted to touch other men is a social illness, not something to preserve or protect. Based on people’s comments in this discussion, gender-free dance communities understand, consciously or otherwise, that contra dance is a collective enterprise, that we are all dancing with each other, and that the community is healthier when it doesn’t put limits around how that happens. Friends can dance with each other — yes, even if they’re men! — and family members, and strangers, and lovers can all dance with each other, and they can bring different aspects of themselves to every interaction within the dance, whether with partner or neighbour.  Louise. _______________________________________________ Contra Callers mailing list -- contracallers(a)lists.sharedweight.net To unsubscribe send an email to contracallers-leave(a)lists.sharedweight.net