18 Dec
2017
18 Dec
'17
3:54 p.m.
At the dances I've seen/called in and around VT, we don't address this
directly (with signs or such).
I've heard of the practice of sitting after declining, but I don't think
it's a common practice for most folks these days. I'd say it's mostly
fallen by the wayside.
The one time I've seen it come up at a dance was more than a decade ago
when an older male dancer castigated a young female dancer for turning him
down and then dancing with someone else instead of sitting out. Several
folks told her afterwards that he was rude and impertinent and she hadn't
been in the wrong. I wish we'd taken a stronger line with him directly too
though. I don't know if she offered an excuse or just a no, thank you.
I like CD*NY's etiquette list that Alexandra linked to (
http://cdny.org/what-is-contra/contra-etiquette/), especially the bit that
addresses this:
*You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. You don’t
have to give a reason; you can just say “No, thank you.” If you ask someone
to dance and they say “No,” take it gracefully and move on. If someone has
declined to dance with you, the etiquette in our community is not to ask
that person again that same night. If they would like to dance with you,
they can come ask you—it’s their turn to do the asking.*
Adding that you shouldn't ask someone multiple times, but have put the ball
in their court seems a polite nudge to folks on both sides
Incorporating some of the other strong suggestions that have come up on
this discussion, I might advocate our group putting up something like:
You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. No reasons
are required; a short "No, thank you.” gives that person more time to find
a different partner. If you ask someone...
Thanks for starting this discussion Kalia! It seems like one that could
have gone on the organizers shared-weight instead of callers; but this one
does seem to be most people's default.
--
Luke Donforth
Luke.Donforth(a)gmail.com <Luke.Donev(a)gmail.com>