17 Mar
2024
17 Mar
'24
11:24 p.m.
Read and JJ,
This is where I tread carefully, because _all men_ (or nearly so) are
raised with some pretty toxic beliefs doused all over them (and women, but
they seem to do a bit better than us men at dealing with it). Sometimes
it's hard to tell the boundary between "traditional gender roles" versus
homophobia. And that's why it's absolutely a reason why it's a touchy
subject.
Anytime "doing X in dancing is homophobic" is brought up, it's:
1. Not always accurate
2. When it is accurate, it's just going to shut down most discussion. No
one wants to hear their deeply ingrained societal norms and beliefs are
bigoted, right? It's a non-starter for conversation.
That said, lgbtqia folks (myself included) absolutely should talk about the
negative effects of it (ex: Two women are split up so men can have
partners, or the "dramatic production" JJ mentioned in their reply). It's
critical these stories continue to be told so people can understand the
harm that is done sometimes in the name of "tradition".
But in terms of how we - as performers and organizers - look forward and
improve things, I think if the goal is persuasiveness, it's more effective
to let people judge for themselves whether and how their ingrained societal
norms are homophobic or not.
Changing these things is hard work and takes a long time. Gender and
sexuality are core parts of our identities, so any discussion of it can be
intensely personal for anyone.
In dance,
Julian Blechner
He/him
Western Massachusetts
On Sun, Mar 17, 2024, 6:55 PM JJ <jcgj95(a)gmail.com> wrote:
Hi Read! I wanted to add that the times when I (a
non-binary person that
is generally assumed to be a man) have encountered neighbor men who refuse
to swing with me, it has often been accompanied with either thinly-veiled
disgust or even an overt "ew I'm not dancing with a man." I'm so sorry
that
you were physically assaulted, though I'm not surprised.
I agree with Read that this is just general homophobia, and again it makes
me worry about the women these men are dancing with, simply because they
clearly don't want to "hold a man" in the same way that they are
"holding"
all the women they neighbor/partner with.
Polite declining is 100% acceptable and I've never been upset by it. But
more often than not, men refusing to dance with me has been a rather
dramatic production that leaves me feeling icky. 🤷
On Sun, Mar 17, 2024, 11:27 Read Weaver via Contra Callers <
contracallers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> I’m kinda doubtful about how common reason 2 is, I think most of what
> might superficially seem like insisting on conventional gender roles is
> actually (men's) homophobia—dancing with a man might make me look like a…,
> or the man dancing with me might be a…. (I specify men because I’ve never
> once lived and danced where women were exercised about this—occasionally a
> preference for mixed-gender, but never a strong one). The guy who assaulted
> me at NEFFA years ago because he came across me in the line dancing the
> “wrong” role didn’t do so because I was rejecting conventional gender
> roles, he did it because of homophobia.
>
> Read Weaver
> Jamaica Plain, MA
> http://lcfd.org
>
> > On Mar 12, 2024, at 1:36 PM, Julian Blechner via Contra Callers <
> contracallers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> >
> > ...
> > - So, when someone says they prefer to dance in non-genderfree dances,
> with a partner of a different binary-presenting gender person, in trad
> roles, there's 2 possible, non-exclusive reasons:
> > 1. That their choice is about courtship, but "make exceptions" for
> people you're not attracted to. Which, I guess is fine in and of itself,
> but I think people with this preference often may not consider _just how
> many exceptions_ there are.
> > 2. Their choice is more about embracing traditional gender roles. I'll
> get back to this
> ...
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