9 Jul
2011
9 Jul
'11
7:32 p.m.
Good points, all, as usual.
The more difficult problem is how to keep the creeps from behaving that way
with younger, or newer, dancers, who don't know yet what sort of atmosphere
we generally maintain, and are reluctant to "cause a scene". Mostly, I
think, if it's too bad, they just go away, never to return and find out that
99% of dancers would never think of acting that way.
So, when we tell these folks a direct "NO" (and we should, oh yes, we
should!) we can do those dancers a favor and tell the creeps exactly what
they did that was offensive. Tell them what they did and how you feel about
it. And tell a trustworthy board member.
I admit I haven't always been direct with people on my own behalf - I just
get away and move on. Oddly, I'm much more comfortable speaking to these
folks on behalf of others. No fear. Wonder what that's about.
M
E
On Sat, Jul 9, 2011 at 12:27 PM, Amy Cann <acann(a)putneyschool.org> wrote:
I'll bet this discussion is going to continue for
a bit, so let's clarify:
I've ALWAYS made people stop what they are doing -- made them leave more
room, move a hand -- I've just always done it non-verbally. If I don't want
to be dipped, I don't get dipped -- I can shift my weight or go inert in
ways that make it impossible. I'm not shy about taking care of myself, and
that cold/silent treatment is pretty darn harsh/unmistakable (just ask my
husband :)
But on reflection, it's always been a private interchange. By "calling
out",
I mean it in the most specific way: calling them out from the crowd, into
the spotlight, to be addressed in front of an audience. I've very rarely
seen this happen, and have never heard of a woman walking off the floor
mid-dance.
On Sat, Jul 9, 2011 at 1:15 PM, Bree Kalb <bree(a)mindspring.com> wrote:
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--
As you set out for Ithaka, pray that your journey be long, full of
adventure, full of discovery...
May there be many summer mornings when, with what pleasure, with what joy,
you enter harbors you're seeing for the first time.
~Constantine Cavafy, "Ithaka" 1911
Amy wrote: But have I truly called
them out on it? No. And neither have any of my peers.
I have.
Now that I'm older, it doesn't happen as often, but still does
occasionally.
I've put my left palm against a man's shoulder and pushed him back,
saying:
"I don't want to dance that close.'
Or: "I don't sleaze dance." The next
time they've asked me to dance, I've said "I'll only dance with you
again
if you don't (do that particular thing
again.)" They've always agreed and
behaved themselves, for that dance. When I come to them in the line, I
automatically push them back a little. But I know I'm an exception; the
younger, shyer women don't feel comfortable setting limits. Even someone
like Amy (who I surmise is not particularly shy) is uneasy being so bold.
So
it's important that the organizers pay
attention and act. Our board
actually
banned a guy from dancing because he was preying
on teenage girls; other
dance organizers in the area followed suit.
Bree Kalb
Carrboro
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