23 Feb
2014
23 Feb
'14
11:58 p.m.
I, too, feel the loss of Greg on this list. As Chris points out, Greg
has always voiced strong opinions, many of which I find do not fit with
me, my style, or my experience. Are they wrong? They work for him. And
they always cause me to think. And, as Chris points out, some have
modified my approach to things. And, I agree that email is far too easy
to misinterpret. Like, when Greg described the calling by the then
unnamed callers in the videos not good in the way he did, I took it as
hyperbole. I'm guilty of that, too. Maybe not in the same way, but I do
often emphasize a point by exaggeration.
It reminds me of a time when I'd be staying with Cammy Kaynor -- another
brilliant and unorthodox thinker -- and Larry Jennings -- a now departed
icon of contra dance. They had radically differing opinions about a
number of things, and a great appreciation for the care both brought to
the table.
I think that's what I want to say here. It's clear that we, on this
list, have a huge care about this form of dance and music. How we go
about expressing out care for it and the people in the community
sometimes hurts. I've experienced this directly, as much of my sense of
self is wrapped up in fiddle-tunes and dancing. When, in the past,
someone has attacked me directly, I end up lashing out, then
hibernating, then trying to discern what truth may be in someone's
complaint, and, hopefully, growing: in awareness and in understanding.
Very rarely has this caused a permanent break in friendship.
Thanks to Chris for reminding me that I'd like to add these two-cents.
All for now,
~erik hoffman
oakland, ca
On 2/23/2014 12:45 PM, Chris Weiler (Home) wrote:
Callers list members,
First, let me apologize. Due to my health problems and the recent
arrival of my infant son, I have not been able to give this list the
attention it deserves. I have not been on top of moderation requests
and have not kept up with conversations. The most I've been able to
do, most of the time, is read the subject lines.
Now, I was very concerned when the tread titled "A Call For Civility"
hit my inbox and read it. Shortly after, I received Greg McKenzie's
unsubscription notification. I now have been able to read the
conversations leading up to that thread. I've been struggling with how
to respond to the callers list community about this, but I can't let
this go any longer, so I'm just going to have to go with my gut and
stop trying to puzzle it out with my head.
One of the things, actually it's the thing I love the most about the
contra dance community is it's inclusive and tolerant nature. When I
started dancing, I was socially awkward and bumbling. The community
welcomed me each week. I made friends. I got better at social
situations. I found a home. I found love there on the dance floor. I
have seen it over and over again at dances: socially marginal people
being welcomed, tolerated and accommodated in ways that they had never
experienced anywhere else. This is the ideal that makes our community
special. This is why I dedicate myself to creating this community
wherever I live, dance or call. It's why I started this list, so we
could learn how to make it better together.
That's why I've been so disappointed with how Greg was treated by this
community. We are supposed to be the leaders. We are supposed to be
the bearers of the ideals and show our dance communities how it's
done. I've never really understood the problems that people had with
Greg. Yes, he has strong opinions. Yes, he is socially awkward and
doesn't always communicate his intentions clearly. But I've always
found him to be straightforward with his opinions, positive in his
criticism, creative in his thinking and open to feedback. He and I
butted heads many times early in the list history and over on
trad-dance-callers. I've learned a lot in my discussions with him and
reading his posts. I never took any of his criticisms personally,
because he criticized my ideas, not me. He challenged my thinking on
this list and I came out better for it. Not because he convinced me,
but because I thought through my ideas better and understood why they
were right. Although a lot of times, he convinced me to change my
ideas, too.
As part of his social awkwardness, sometimes he crossed the line in a
post. Every time, when people pointed it out to him, he apologized.
Yes, he crossed the line when he criticized the calling of people in
an easily identifiable video. But he apologized for it. Twice. And
then was repeatedly taken to task afterwards. Then talked about
derisively in the third person on-list. And he was right - other
people added the identifying names, not him. A valuable voice in this
community was driven out because his intentions were misunderstood.
Several disapproved of his "tone". I'm not sure how people can
interpret "tone" in an e-mail. It's a medium fraught with
opportunities for misinterpretation. To think that you understand the
"tone" that the author was intending seems crazy to me. We have to
give each other the benefit of the doubt if we are going to continue
to be a healthy and supportive community.
Now, I'm very sad to hear that people have decided not to post because
of Greg. I understand how hard it is to have your ideas challenged and
criticized. But I don't think that I ever read a post of his that was
purposefully mean-spirited or an individual attack. If you have an
example of such and instance, then please forward it to me off-list.
Let's not start another public bash-fest. If you have solid, factual
criticisms of him, then I do want to hear them. It's just that what is
being said now isn't justified by my experience with him.
I encourage people to put their ideas forward. We're here to find the
best ideas here and make the dancer's experience the best it can be.
To become the best callers we can be, we need ideas to be shared,
discussed, challenged and debated so we can find the best ones. We
also need this to be a safe place for people to ask their questions
and share their ideas, so keep being the positive, supportive
community I know you can be.
We're better than this. We can have the free exchange of ideas with
the same acceptance and tolerance that we have on the dance floor.
This is what has made this list special for the last 9 1/2 years.
Let's not loose sight of what's important.
Chris Weiler
SharedWeight co-founder/moderator
Craftsbury, VT
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