[Lots of other posts trimmed...]
Similar to a previous comment, and knowing one size does not fit all, I try
to preface any "style points" with a fellow dancer with "it would help me
if..." and then describe or show my desired interaction behavior. Puts the
issue totally on me and makes it sound like I'm asking a favor of them to
adjust to my needs, not correcting them -- if it leads to further good form
from them generally thereafter, so much the better. I've not had a negative
reaction to this since I started doing it.
BTW, for allemandes I use a connection that I picked up somewhere in my
contra travels (which sounds a lot like some of he best practices described
to this point). I find this to be fairly common where I dance. As a picture
is worth a thousand words, here it is (note I'm torqued slightly in these
due to holding the camera with the other hand for the photo -- the normal
connection is neutral and unstressed but results in good weight):
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3My2DFMxZpOb3g1MVJWSS1lOGc/edit?usp=shari…
-Don