Re: [Callers] Etiquette of refusing an offer to dance

BACDS Code of Conduct says: http://bacds.org/conduct/CodeOfConduct.pdf ----------------- "Ask a partner kindly.  Accept their answer cheerfully.  If you are repeatedly declined by a prospective partner, it is best to give them space. Feel free to decline a dance with someone with whom you feel uncomfortable. If you would prefer not to dance with them, a simple "no thanks" is appropriate.  We encourage you to dance with a variety of peple both new and familiar, but your safety and comfort come first. ------------------- So it doesn't explicitly address this, but I think it doesn't address it because the norm is now understood to be that there's no obligations on the person being asked. In my beginner lessons, both contra and English, I say (when I remember) that anybody may ask anybody else to dance, that you can accept or decline, that you don't have to explain yourself and that indeed you shouldn't spend a lot of time declining because that keeps the one who asked you from finding another partner.  (I also sometimes say that unlike a bar or club, the only necessary subtext of "may I have this dance" is "I need a partner to able to dance this dance".)  I've occasionally modeled asking, being declined, and moving on with good grace. I think I got some of that by looking at the George Marshal beginner session that's on youtube. Incidentally, some brand new dancers come in with the "must sit out if declining a dance" idea already installed; it turns out that it's there in Jane Austen.  So in discussing this in Regency-dance context I do a thing about how this isn't re-creation but recreation - we're playing, not slavishly reconstructing the period, and we can leave behind things that don't work for us today. -- Alan On 12/16/17 11:39 AM, Kalia Kliban via Callers wrote: