[Callers] Etiquette of refusing an offer to dance

[Martha Wild]

Oh, yes, I remember that rule. If I was asked by someone I really didn’t want to dance with, and I declined to dance with them, I would sit out the next dance in order not to hurt their feelings and I had to act as if I was tired or I wanted to sit it out, all the time wishing that I'd avoided that particular person and could be dancing. I suppose the idea was more not to be cliquish, and only dance with the few people you knew, leaving newcomers unwelcome and feeling left out. But I wasn’t very picky - I danced with pretty much everyone except one or two people who were either too interested in me, or just such bad dancers that I could get hurt. I do think it’s a good idea to not be limited by having to sit out if you turned someone down. But perhaps people should be reminded that they might meet a new friend if they dance with someone they don’t know. And experienced dancers could be encouraged to dance with less experienced dancers to help improve the overall level of competence at the dance. Some places have really suffered by having experienced dancers that have frozen out new people so long that now their dance numbers are dwindling.

Martha

> On Dec 16, 2017, at 11:39 AM, Kalia Kliban via Callers <callers at lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> 
> Hi all,
> 
> Those of us who started dancing 2 or 3 decades back probably remember the rule about sitting out the dance if you turn down a partner offer. A very competent male dancer I know who started around the same time I did (late 80s) recently confessed to me that he never asks anyone to dance because he doesn't want to put folks in the position of thinking "If I don't dance with this guy then I have to sit one out.  Oh crap, guess I'll have to dance with him."  For the record, he's a totally solid and delightful dancer.
> 
> To what extent has that earlier etiquette norm either survived or been replaced, and what has it been replaced with?  In your dance community, do you have a written statement of the etiquette around this?  Our community's statement doesn't directly address this issue.
> 
> Kalia
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