[Callers] Etiquette of refusing an offer to dance

[Kalia Kliban]

On 12/16/2017 2:10 PM, Alan Winston via Callers wrote:
> BACDS Code of Conduct says:
> http://bacds.org/conduct/CodeOfConduct.pdf
> "Ask a partner kindly.  Accept their answer cheerfully.  If you are 
> repeatedly declined by a prospective partner, it is best to give them 
> space.
> 
> Feel free to decline a dance with someone with whom you feel 
> uncomfortable. If you would prefer not to dance with them, a simple "no 
> thanks" is appropriate.  We encourage you to dance with a variety of 
> people both new and familiar, but your safety and comfort come first.
> -------------------
> 
> So it doesn't explicitly address this, but I think it doesn't address it 
> because the norm is now understood to be that there's no obligations on 
> the person being asked.

But the issue is those dancers who came into the scene when the norm was 
different, and who still carry the old assumption.  I truly hadn't even 
considered this problem until my recent conversation, but it pointed up 
that even though those older conventions have changed, if nobody 
explicitly points out that they've changed, we're leaving a lot of 
dancers working with old information.

It's an extremely specific point of etiquette, and the number of dancers 
affected by it may be small (or may be huge, I truly don't know).  But 
it exists and I'm looking for clarity on the issue within my own dance 
community, and also looking for ways to address it as I teach.

Alan's points about declining an offer to dance with grace and brevity 
are excellent.

> I think I got some of that by looking at the George Marshal beginner 
> session that's on youtube.

I'll check that out in a bit.  He's generally a good one to look to for 
inviting and graceful teaching.

> Incidentally, some brand new dancers come in with the "must sit out if 
> declining a dance" idea already installed; it turns out that it's there 
> in Jane Austen.  

Ah.  Interesting.

Looking forward to hearing from more of you.
Kalia