16 Mar
2023
16 Mar
'23
2:10 a.m.
Dana,
Thank you for candidly challenging our situation and sharing from your
heart and experience. I will reflect on your words and share them with
others. Having a first hand account of the difficulties and dangers of
being nonbinary helps put this issue in perspective. My fear is that
forcing change before more people are ready will create a backlash and
resentment. It feels to me that we need to convince and educate a critical
mass of people in order for the change to be accepted. Your words will be
an effective tool for our evolution. I like "Loves" and "Gems". I
would
call my romantic partner either of those terms.
On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 2:05 PM Dana Dwinell-Yardley via Organizers <
organizers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
Sure, happy for anyone to forward and distribute. I
added my extra soap
bubble into my original text and pasted it below: feel free to send this
version around.
Thanks for the kind words.
Dana
==
Hi all,
I'm going to explore this intersection of gender-free role terms +
welcoming new dancers + growing community a little bit. [And by "a little
bit" I actually mean a "a long soapbox about important stuff," so hang on
for the ride.]
I'm a genderqueer / gender nonconforming person, and a huge part of my
folk community includes transgender, nonbinary, and other gender
nonconforming folks. If you haven't been paying much attention to the news,
let me tell you: The political and social climate around gender and
sexuality in the United States right now is *terrifying* for LGBTQ+ folks.
Twenty-three states introduced laws in 2022 that infringe or attack the
basic rights of transgender and queer people, and more than 13 of those
bills have become law. There is a ton of hatred, fear, and violence being
directed toward the queer and trans community, especially youth, even in
liberal states like Vermont (where I live).
All this is to say — it's a hard and scary time to be a queer person. And
our dance communities have the potential to be places of radical inclusion,
expansiveness, safety, and welcome in a violent world that seeks to deny us
our basic right to exist.
- When a dance uses gender-free terms, that is a step toward that
radical inclusion.
- When dancers are comfortable and happy to dance with any person in
any role, that's another step. (For example, if you've got a lot of men who
show obvious discomfort at swinging anyone who's not a woman, the dancing
is likely to feel icky and unsafe to trans & nonbinary folks or anyone
swapping roles, regardless of terms used.)
- When we take the time to explain our dance culture as well as the
basic moves, that's another step.
- When we offer nametags with a place to write in pronouns, that's
another step.
- When we offer a sliding scale to make our dance accessible to folks
of all income levels, that's another step.
- When people can see themselves reflected in the organizing committee
members (i.e. diversity of age, gender, class background, race, etc), in a
way that's actually sharing the work and not tokenizing people, that's
another step.
- When long-time dancers ask newcomers to dance in a friendly but not
pushy way, and we normalize saying no as well as saying yes, that's another
step.
- When we normalize giving and receiving feedback about the way our
dancing affects others, that's another step. (i.e. "hey, will you grab my
hand less tightly? that hurts." "oh! thanks for telling me! is that
better?)
- When we are kind, patient, and supportive of each other while we
learn new things, that's another step. Whether it's learning how to balance
and swing, or learning how to use new pronouns for someone, it's gonna be
awkward at first! That's how learning works! We'll just keep practicing
together.
- When we are transparent about why we're doing what we're doing (i.e.
our values, like Julian suggested), that's another step. When I get up to
give announcements, for example, I thank people for helping to make the
dance welcoming and inclusive, and I speak about our sliding scale, our
name buttons, our role terms, and wearing masks all as pathways to a more
inclusive and welcoming space, as ways that we care for one another.
- (Right now, I am still inclined to think that wearing masks is
another way that we create spaces of radical inclusion and safety,
especially for folks at higher risk for COVID, but that's a whole other
kettle of fish.)
On the flip side: If a dance uses gendered role terms, or when organizers
say things like "ugh I don't like Robins & Larks," or "I don't
want to push
the issue," what I hear is:
"we don't care about you,"
"we don't think transgender or nonbinary people exist," or
"you're causing problems for us just by being yourself."
OUCH.
I would gently offer that there is no such thing as a non-political space.
Everything is political, even though you may not have noticed because you
were comfortable and the current setup worked for you. This is a country
where people are actively passing laws that harm transgender and queer
people. Choosing NOT to do something is also a political act.
We set our dance culture together. People will notice the vibes more than
you think. Let's keep striving toward spaces that are deeply welcoming,
growthful, and joyful for everyone! This is part of why I am called to keep
organizing dances: because I can see the power in creating a community that
exists a little bit outside of space and time for a moment, a community
where we get to see the kind of joy, connection, collaboration, and care
that we dream of for society at large. What a delightful, magical thing.
Yours in building joyful, inclusive dance community,
Dana Dwinell-Yardley
Montpelier, VT
danadwya(a)gmail.com
On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 2:24 PM Joe Harrington <contradancerjoe(a)gmail.com>
wrote:
Dana, this was so clearly articulated and
beautifully written! Would you
give permission for people to forward and post it publicly? I feel it
important to ask, as we want this to be a safe place, even if the archives
are searchable.
--jh--
On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 12:23 PM Dana Dwinell-Yardley via Organizers <
organizers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
--
Dana Dwinell-Yardley
pronouns: she/her/hers
802-505-6639
Montpelier, Vermont
_______________________________________________
Organizers mailing list -- organizers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
To unsubscribe send an email to organizers-leave(a)lists.sharedweight.net
One more soap bubble for the soap box!
We also take a step toward inclusion when we are kind, patient, and
supportive of each other while we learn new things: whether that's learning
how to balance and swing, or learning how to use new pronouns for someone.
It's gonna be awkward at first! That's how learning works! We'll just keep
practicing and improving together.
Dana
On Wed, Mar 15, 2023, 12:02 PM Mary Collins <nativedae(a)gmail.com> wrote:
Dana,
Thank you. Well said and I am sharing with my very conservative
board. I think they need a wake up call, forgive me but "either shit or
get off the pot". If we really want our dance to continue we need to
address this.
I hope for a better tomorrow for all of us no matter the walk we choose.
Blessings,
Mary "from Buffalo" not.
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who
couldn't hear the music." - Nietzsche
“Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about
learning to dance in the rain!” ~ unknown
On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 11:21 AM Dana Dwinell-Yardley via Organizers <
organizers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> Hi all,
>
> I'm going to explore this intersection of gender-free role terms +
> welcoming new dancers + growing community a little bit. [And by "a little
> bit" I actually mean a "a long soapbox about important stuff," so hang
on
> for the ride.]
>
> I'm a genderqueer / gender nonconforming person, and a huge part of my
> folk community includes transgender, nonbinary, and other gender
> nonconforming folks. If you haven't been paying much attention to the news,
> let me tell you: The political and social climate around gender and
> sexuality in the United States right now is *terrifying* for LGBTQ+ folks.
> Twenty-three states introduced laws in 2022 that infringe or attack the
> basic rights of transgender and queer people, and more than 13 of those
> bills have become law. There is a ton of hatred, fear, and violence being
> directed toward the queer and trans community, especially youth, even in
> liberal states like Vermont (where I live).
>
> All this is to say — it's a hard and scary time to be a queer person.
> And our dance communities have the potential to be places of radical
> inclusion, expansiveness, safety, and welcome in a violent world that seeks
> to deny us our basic right to exist.
>
> - When a dance uses gender-free terms, that is a step toward that
> radical inclusion.
> - When dancers are comfortable and happy to dance with any person
> in any role, that's another step. (For example, if you've got a lot of
men
> who show obvious discomfort at swinging anyone who's not a woman, the
> dancing is likely to feel icky and unsafe to trans & nonbinary folks or
> anyone swapping roles, regardless of terms used.)
> - When we take the time to explain our dance culture as well as
> the basic moves, that's another step.
> - When we offer nametags with a place to write in pronouns, that's
> another step.
> - When we offer a sliding scale to make our dance accessible to
> folks of all income levels, that's another step.
> - When people can see themselves reflected in the organizing
> committee members (i.e. diversity of age, gender, class background, race,
> etc), in a way that's actually sharing the work and not tokenizing people,
> that's another step.
> - When long-time dancers ask newcomers to dance in a friendly but
> not pushy way, and we normalize saying no as well as saying yes, that's
> another step.
> - When we normalize giving and receiving feedback about the way
> our dancing affects others, that's another step. (i.e. "hey, will you
grab
> my hand less tightly? that hurts." "oh! thanks for telling me! is that
> better?)
> - When we are transparent about why we're doing what we're doing
> (i.e. our values, like Julian suggested), that's another step. When I get
> up to give announcements, for example, I thank people for helping to make
> the dance welcoming and inclusive, and I speak about our sliding scale, our
> name buttons, our role terms, and wearing masks all as pathways to a more
> inclusive and welcoming space, as ways that we care for one another.
> - (Right now, I am still inclined to think that wearing masks is
> another way that we create spaces of radical inclusion and safety,
> especially for folks at higher risk for COVID, but that's a whole other
> kettle of fish.)
>
> On the flip side: If a dance uses gendered role terms, or when
> organizers say things like "ugh I don't like Robins & Larks," or
"I don't
> want to push the issue," what I hear is:
> "we don't care about you,"
> "we don't think transgender or nonbinary people exist," or
> "you're causing problems for us just by being yourself."
> OUCH.
>
> I would gently offer that there is no such thing as a non-political
> space. Everything is political, even though you may not have noticed
> because the politics weren't affecting you and you were comfortable because
> the current setup worked for you. This is a country where people are
> actively passing laws that harm transgender and queer people. Choosing NOT
> to do something is also a political act.
>
> We set our dance culture together. People will notice the vibes more
> than you think. Let's keep striving toward spaces that are deeply
> welcoming, growthful, and joyful for everyone! This is part of why I am
> called to keep organizing dances: because I can see the power in creating a
> community that exists a little bit outside of space and time for a moment,
> a community where we get to see the kind of joy, connection, collaboration,
> and care that we dream of for society at large. What a delightful, magical
> thing.
>
> Yours in building joyful, inclusive dance community,
> Dana
> Montpelier, VT
>
>
> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023 at 8:53 AM Julian Blechner via Organizers <
> organizers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>
>> Lots of good suggestions from a lot of people.
>>
>> I think I can boil down success keeping new dancers to:
>> 1. Listen to youth, put then on your committee, and implement their
>> suggestions.
>> 2. Have a written values statement, which all of your other policies
>> follow.
>> 3. Make it clear you want to hear from dancers with compliments or
>> complaints. And actually deal with complaints. Over and over, the biggest
>> reason I hear people not returning (other than just not liking the dance
>> form) is unhandled and ignored complaints.
>>
>> In dance,
>> Julian Blechner
>>
>> On Wed, Mar 15, 2023, 8:10 AM Chrissy Fowler via Organizers <
>> organizers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>>
>>> *“Getting back to the subject of repeat visitors, perhaps the
>>> biggest difference of all is a caller who brings the fun and the
>>> inclusiveness, the type who can laugh with you when something goes goofy.
>>> (… . ) I'm tremendously grateful to everyone organizing contra dances,
>>> and to all the people trying to make their dance a little bit better each
>>> week.*
>>> *Lex Spoon”*
>>>
>>> Hear, hear!
>>>
>>> (And I think it’s also the organizers who can bring that fun and
>>> inclusiveness and set the tone for embracing the goofiness.) Let’s face it,
>>> even though some folks forget and take it all a bit too seriously, these
>>> dances we love are *incredibly* weird. Beautifully so, but
>>> definitely on the silly side of joy.
>>>
>>> I’m also grateful for all you folks sharing ideas and experiences
>>> openly and nonjudgmentally. What a gift!
>>>
>>> Chrissy Fowler
>>> Belfast Maine
>>> *Where we are digging out from the latest nor’easter (ah the joys of
>>> finally getting winter weather in March)*
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> Organizers mailing list -- organizers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>>> To unsubscribe send an email to
>>> organizers-leave(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> Organizers mailing list -- organizers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>> To unsubscribe send an email to
>> organizers-leave(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>>
>
>
> --
> Dana Dwinell-Yardley
> pronouns: she/her/hers
> 802-505-6639
> Montpelier, Vermont
> _______________________________________________
> Organizers mailing list -- organizers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
> To unsubscribe send an email to
> organizers-leave(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>
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