[Organizers] Dancer Code of Conduct ? - Musicians

Alan Winston

28 Feb 28 Feb

1:54 a.m.

On 2/27/2014 5:45 PM, David Fenwick wrote:

Anyone have a written code of conduct that you can refer to ? In Palm Beach County FL we have 1 or 2 dancers whose behavior is off-putting, especially to newer dancers. It would be great to be able to refer to a written policy.

http://www.bacds.org/organization/board/policies/social_contract/ (We got this from the Chico Country Dance Society, after phumphering around for a long time trying to write something ourselves. This mostly states general expectations; if you're looking for something that says "keep your hands off their butts" you'll need to look elsewhere. We've found it good enough for the board to be able to say "are they meeting these expectations?" and take some action if required. -- Alan

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Peter Clark

2:56 p.m.

I would suggest putting at least equal energy into developing a vision/mission for the series if you haven't done so already. In my experience, the right people tend to be inspired when a mission is stated. I have found that about 98% of the attendance tends to get it just from a stated mission being communicated without any further prodding. Also, once the context is set by the mission, if one of the remaining very few is e.g., forcing painful twirls on each newcomer they encounter in line, it could be a much easier encounter to approach someone with "Could I ask you a favor, please don't twirl the newcomers, we're trying to retain them and they tend to find twirls overwhelming" Of course, someone with responsibility has to be willing to offer that feedback. For most smaller dances, I would expect that rather than trying to be too specific with a code of conduct, it could work better for a board to empower hosts who could be counted on to be cool-headed and even-handed to have compassionate discussions with those displaying behavior that is off-putting / harmful to the future prospects of the series. When I have these discussions, I try to cultivate the mindset in myself that I am trying to recruit an ally rather than enforce a policy against an offender. It has been a very rare instance that anything more than a gentle word was required. Here is a doc that we set out on the flyer table (8 steps to joyful contra dance). It is based on another document I found on the internet (which is credited at the end), adapted to our group's specific needs: https://db.tt/KRU44htg Peter On Thu, Feb 27, 2014 at 8:45 PM, David Fenwick <atlanticmanage(a)gmail.com>wrote;wrote:

...

Anyone have a written code of conduct that you can refer to ? In Palm Beach County FL we have 1 or 2 dancers whose behavior is off-putting, especially to newer dancers. It would be great to be able to refer to a written policy. -- David Fenwick *Atlantic Property Management* Economic professional management *Orange Blossom Ball* Jan 17-19 2014 www.orangeblossomcontra.com 954-918-5884 * Property Management & Maintenance * _______________________________________________ Organizers mailing list Organizers(a)sharedweight.net http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/organizers

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Alan Winston

10:04 p.m.

New subject: [Organizers] Problem dancer ? + code of conduct.

While there are things to be said for having a code of conduct (and my organization does have one), having one in place is neither necessary nor sufficient for dealing with this person. Is it possible to have a comforting female organizer get in touch with some of the "disappeared" women and discuss what's happened with them? This may help assure them that the organization cares about their comfort and safety and that of the dancers who continue, and will also help to establish how far over the boundaries his behaviors have gone, which might also help you to decide whether the guy needs a talking to and careful watching with banning in reserve, or just immediate banning. (Or whether the women not coming back to contra is all an unfortunate coincidence.) -- Alan On 4/21/2014 1:06 PM, Quintin Aspin wrote:

...

Down here in Baltimore we are having a problem with a dancer who seems to be harassing young ladies , He seems particularly fond of monopolizing their dances if he can , then moves on to sending e-mails and giving small gifts ... Shortly there after these unfortunately targeted newcomers seem to stop coming to the dance ... They do not complain to anyone in charge , they just disappear from the dance community .. It is a situation that I , as president of BFMS , only recently became aware of , but in retrospect it seems to have been happening to some extent since he moved down from the Boston area . If this is a "new" behavior and he is amenable to change I will either talk to him , or suggest the American dance chair has a few words with him ... But if , as I now suspect , he was doing this same behaviors in the Boston area perhaps firmer action might be needed . There was , in fact , a discussion over on the callers list about a dancer in the Boston area that seems eerily reminiscent of the situation here .. If any of the Boston area dance folks know of whom I speak , or if he was banned from any dances up there it would be enormously helpful if you could send me an e-mail with just the first name of the gent in question .... You can send it to my regular e-mail ( the one I am subscribed to this list ) or to be at President ( at ) bfms.org ... A thousand thanks from me and from a lot of dancers who hopefully will not have to find out first hand about which they should be thankful ... Rgds Quintin Ps I have looked at all the contra dance "codes of conduct" I can find and we are having a getting to get one set up here .... Hopefully not shutting the gate after the horse ... etc.. _______________________________________________ Organizers mailing list Organizers(a)sharedweight.net http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/organizers

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Alan Winston

10:03 p.m.

New subject: [Organizers] Problem dancer ? + code of conduct.

That's pretty great! -- Alan On 4/22/2014 6:04 AM, Lindsay Morris wrote:

...

In Asheville, we have this (IMHO) excellent flyer (authored by Diane Silver) on a similar "creepiness" problem. Hope you find some of this useful. www.diane-silver.com/downloads/Policy&EtiquetteBrochure-1.pdf ------ Lindsay Morris 859-539-9900

On Apr 21, 2014, at 6:04 PM, Alan Winston <winston(a)slac.stanford.edu> wrote: While there are things to be said for having a code of conduct (and my organization does have one), having one in place is neither necessary nor sufficient for dealing with this person. Is it possible to have a comforting female organizer get in touch with some of the "disappeared" women and discuss what's happened with them? This may help assure them that the organization cares about their comfort and safety and that of the dancers who continue, and will also help to establish how far over the boundaries his behaviors have gone, which might also help you to decide whether the guy needs a talking to and careful watching with banning in reserve, or just immediate banning. (Or whether the women not coming back to contra is all an unfortunate coincidence.) -- Alan

On 4/21/2014 1:06 PM, Quintin Aspin wrote: Down here in Baltimore we are having a problem with a dancer who seems to be harassing young ladies , He seems particularly fond of monopolizing their dances if he can , then moves on to sending e-mails and giving small gifts ... Shortly there after these unfortunately targeted newcomers seem to stop coming to the dance ... They do not complain to anyone in charge , they just disappear from the dance community .. It is a situation that I , as president of BFMS , only recently became aware of , but in retrospect it seems to have been happening to some extent since he moved down from the Boston area . If this is a "new" behavior and he is amenable to change I will either talk to him , or suggest the American dance chair has a few words with him ... But if , as I now suspect , he was doing this same behaviors in the Boston area perhaps firmer action might be needed . There was , in fact , a discussion over on the callers list about a dancer in the Boston area that seems eerily reminiscent of the situation here .. If any of the Boston area dance folks know of whom I speak , or if he was banned from any dances up there it would be enormously helpful if you could send me an e-mail with just the first name of the gent in question .... You can send it to my regular e-mail ( the one I am subscribed to this list ) or to be at President ( at ) bfms.org ... A thousand thanks from me and from a lot of dancers who hopefully will not have to find out first hand about which they should be thankful ... Rgds Quintin Ps I have looked at all the contra dance "codes of conduct" I can find and we are having a getting to get one set up here .... Hopefully not shutting the gate after the horse ... etc.. _______________________________________________ Organizers mailing list Organizers(a)sharedweight.net http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/organizers

_______________________________________________ Organizers mailing list Organizers(a)sharedweight.net http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/organizers

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Orin Nisenson

1:39 p.m.

New subject: [Organizers] Problem dancer ? + code of conduct. , step 2 ...

I strongly suggest that you consult a lawyer to find out what your options are and to make sure you protect yourself. I would think the law is different for a public dance compared to a private dance/club. I also suggest that you do a written contract with him so that there is no confusion. I once convinced him to stop a particular behavior. The next week he was doing it again. When I reminded him of our conversation the week before he responded "oh, that was for last weeks dance" Orin

...

Oy ... First thanks to all for their support and information , both on this list and off-list .. I will be following up independently with those that e-mailed me in the next few days . Yes it is the same person that caused so much trouble up in the Boston area... We are currently working on outreach to any dancers effected ( At least those that we can contact and are willing to talk to us about this sensitive issue) So now we are on the horns of an ethical dilemma , or many different but related ones .. :-( Should this person get the same treatment that someone with no history of harassing behavior should reasonably expect to receive ? Should he be "talked to" about his actions and "given a chance to change" ? Should a "stepped" ban be considered ? ( Say ban for two months now , and "probation" after ? ) Should any consideration be given to our not having had a clearly written and posted set of "rules" ? Btw we are working on a "policy" now and I have read every dance organization policy on the subject that I can find . I suspect that the object of such rules or policy should be to make the dancers comfortable ( new and old ) and provide recourse to the dance community if someone violates the folkways of the community .. It might be better to encourage communication within the more experienced dancers in the community and get them to let the new dancers know through words and deeds what is acceptable , what is not and how to tell the difference.. Thoughts ? Rgds Q Ps Perry ( our american dance chair ) will be at NEFFA this weekend , If anyone has any personal experiences about this problem please let him know.

While there are things to be said for having a code of conduct (and my organization does have one), having one in place is neither necessary nor sufficient for dealing with this person. Is it possible to have a comforting female organizer get in touch with some of the "disappeared" women and discuss what's happened with them? This may help assure them that the organization cares about their comfort and safety and that of the dancers who continue, and will also help to establish how far over the boundaries his behaviors have gone, which might also help you to decide whether the guy needs a talking to and careful watching with banning in reserve, or just immediate banning. (Or whether the women not coming back to contra is all an unfortunate coincidence.) -- Alan On 4/21/2014 1:06 PM, Quintin Aspin wrote:

Down here in Baltimore we are having a problem with a dancer who seems to be harassing young ladies , He seems particularly fond of monopolizing their dances if he can , then moves on to sending e-mails and giving small gifts ... Shortly there after these unfortunately targeted newcomers seem to stop coming to the dance ... They do not complain to anyone in charge , they just disappear from the dance community .. It is a situation that I , as president of BFMS , only recently became aware of , but in retrospect it seems to have been happening to some extent since he moved down from the Boston area . If this is a "new" behavior and he is amenable to change I will either talk to him , or suggest the American dance chair has a few words with him ... But if , as I now suspect , he was doing this same behaviors in the Boston area perhaps firmer action might be needed . There was , in fact , a discussion over on the callers list about a dancer in the Boston area that seems eerily reminiscent of the situation here .. If any of the Boston area dance folks know of whom I speak , or if he was banned from any dances up there it would be enormously helpful if you could send me an e-mail with just the first name of the gent in question .... You can send it to my regular e-mail ( the one I am subscribed to this list ) or to be at President ( at ) bfms.org ... A thousand thanks from me and from a lot of dancers who hopefully will not have to find out first hand about which they should be thankful ... Rgds Quintin Ps I have looked at all the contra dance "codes of conduct" I can find and we are having a getting to get one set up here .... Hopefully not shutting the gate after the horse ... etc.. _______________________________________________ Organizers mailing list Organizers(a)sharedweight.net http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/organizers

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