With a balance and swing in the A2, this is Composition 100 by Greg Frock.
-Chris Page
San Diego
On Fri, Dec 22, 2017 at 6:55 PM, Luke Donforth via Callers
<callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> Hello all,
>
> I'm on the road for vacation instead of calling, which means that I don't
> have easy access to dancers to try things with; so I'm pinging the hive
> mind.
>
> What do folks think about the transition star->hey with the next.
>
> For instance:
>
> A1
> Ladies start left shoulder hey
> A2
> Neighbor right shoulder gyre and swing
> B1
> Circle Left 3/4
> Partner swing
> B2
> Ladies chain across
> Left hand star 1x
>
> The ladies have their left hand in on the star, and usually I avoid a left
> with one, left with the next transition; but I feel like the swoopy nature
> of the hey gives it some slack. It also sets the gents up for a turn over
> shoulder entry into the hey.
>
> It could be a right shoulder in the middle hey, and a balance and swing. I
> don't have a passel of dancers to try it with.
>
> What are your thoughts?
>
> Thanks, and happy solstice and return of the light to you all.
>
> --
> Luke Donforth
> Luke.Donforth(a)gmail.com
>
> _______________________________________________
> List Name: Callers mailing list
> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
I just remembered, along with Rick O' Shay's Hey, I have one where the
progression out of the star is a half hey on the left diagonal, Star Hey
Night.
http://dancevideos.childgrove.org/contra/contra-modern/125-star-hey-night
A nice dance...but a tough teach.... )))
bob
<http://dancevideos.childgrove.org/contra/contra-modern/125-star-hey-night>
On Fri, Dec 22, 2017 at 8:55 PM, Luke Donforth via Callers <
callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> Hello all,
>
> I'm on the road for vacation instead of calling, which means that I don't
> have easy access to dancers to try things with; so I'm pinging the hive
> mind.
>
> What do folks think about the transition star->hey with the next.
>
> For instance:
>
> A1
> Ladies start left shoulder hey
> A2
> Neighbor right shoulder gyre and swing
> B1
> Circle Left 3/4
> Partner swing
> B2
> Ladies chain across
> Left hand star 1x
>
> The ladies have their left hand in on the star, and usually I avoid a left
> with one, left with the next transition; but I feel like the swoopy nature
> of the hey gives it some slack. It also sets the gents up for a turn over
> shoulder entry into the hey.
>
> It could be a right shoulder in the middle hey, and a balance and swing. I
> don't have a passel of dancers to try it with.
>
> What are your thoughts?
>
> Thanks, and happy solstice and return of the light to you all.
>
> --
> Luke Donforth
> Luke.Donforth(a)gmail.com <Luke.Donev(a)gmail.com>
>
> _______________________________________________
> List Name: Callers mailing list
> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
>
Hello all,
I'm on the road for vacation instead of calling, which means that I don't
have easy access to dancers to try things with; so I'm pinging the hive
mind.
What do folks think about the transition star->hey with the next.
For instance:
A1
Ladies start left shoulder hey
A2
Neighbor right shoulder gyre and swing
B1
Circle Left 3/4
Partner swing
B2
Ladies chain across
Left hand star 1x
The ladies have their left hand in on the star, and usually I avoid a left
with one, left with the next transition; but I feel like the swoopy nature
of the hey gives it some slack. It also sets the gents up for a turn over
shoulder entry into the hey.
It could be a right shoulder in the middle hey, and a balance and swing. I
don't have a passel of dancers to try it with.
What are your thoughts?
Thanks, and happy solstice and return of the light to you all.
--
Luke Donforth
Luke.Donforth(a)gmail.com <Luke.Donev(a)gmail.com>
Why do you only put this in the women’s room? Perhaps you live somewhere where it’s unusual for a woman to ask a man to dance, but you say your sign goes on to say to find a dancer you want to dance with. And while I don’t question that men are more likely to do things to make a female partner uncomfortable, the reverse isn’t unheard of. And even if that never happened, putting it in both restrooms would let the men know what to expect.
Read Weaver
Jamaica Plain, MA
http://lcfd.org
> On Dec 17, 2017, at 12:30 PM, Amy Wimmer via Callers <callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>
> Greetings All,
>
> I really like JD's methods. When teaching I do an abbreviated version of that, but I think I'll expand it to include a _kind_ refusal, and universal participation during the lesson.
>
> My husband and I are dance organizers, and for several years have been working hard to make the atmosphere of the dance welcoming and safe for all. We have signs in the restrooms about behavior. The one in the women's states that if one doesn't want to dance with someone, for any reason, it is best to be quick about it, saying, "No, thank you," so the ask-er has time to find a different partner. Skip the lengthy excuse, then find a partner you _want_ to dance with.
>
> Also, at the end of a dance, I often encourage people to invite someone who's sitting out to dance. Every once in a while I ask new folks to identify themselves, then ask experienced dancers to dance with them.
>
> -Amy
Bob & Ron...I go to George's beginners session every chance I get. I have
"stolen" so many things and have tweaked to my own words alot of them. He
is the king of the beginner workshop and continues to teach me things all
the time!
the bar we all should measure ourselves by.
Mary
“Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about learning
to dance in the rain!” ~ Unknown
On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 11:40 PM, Bob Green via Callers <
callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> You and me both Ron, we steal from the best.
>
> Bob Green
>
> On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 4:33 PM, Ron Blechner via Callers <
> callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>
>> This thread is great!
>>
>> I just wanted to throw out props to George Marshall who was teaching at
>> the end of his beginner lessons: accepting and declining and moving on with
>> dance requests - earlier than I can remember other callers doing it. I've
>> stolen my schtick directly from him.
>>
>> Ron Blechner
>>
>> On Dec 18, 2017 12:09 PM, "Rich Sbardella via Callers" <
>> callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>>
>>> Mary has made some very valid points. It would be good to emphasize
>>> that this is a dance "community", and that all people should be respectful
>>> of others. Many dancers take a "no" as a personal rejection and perhaps
>>> even as disrespectful. This tends to hurt the community as a whole and
>>> often leads to cliques. My thought is that dancers should have a reason
>>> for saying no, but that reason need not be vocalized.
>>>
>>> As an older dancer, most of the rejections I experience are from much
>>> younger ladies that do not know me yet. I tend to want to help newer
>>> dancers with their skills, and have made many new dance friends this way.
>>> I handle most rejections by remembering that many other dances seek me out
>>> as a partner.
>>>
>>> To summarize, two people are involved in a dance request, and the
>>> response should keep that in mind.
>>>
>>> On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 11:17 AM, Mary Collins via Callers <
>>> callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>>>
>>>> coming late also here, Dale, so stealing your "lesson" comments. We
>>>> usually don't directly address the refusal part of the equation as we are
>>>> so short of dancers, it's usually exhaustion that sits us out! lol...saying
>>>> that...we do encourage new dancers to ask anyone (esp. those that look like
>>>> they know what they are doing) to dance. Our regular dancers are always
>>>> eager to bring them into the experience for which I am grateful. The "old"
>>>> rule used to apply and several years ago, we had a very upset dancer who
>>>> left and never returned because someone turned him down and then danced
>>>> with someone else. This particular dancer it was found, had some mental
>>>> health issues, along with size and ability issues as well and took the
>>>> refusal very personally.
>>>>
>>>> In the CDSS callers' course we discussed this and it was mentioned that
>>>> saying no, needs no explanation. Now, as a large woman (who,it has been
>>>> noted by another dancer as"...very light on your feet") I often get no's.
>>>> I try to ignore this and not take it personally, however, it often comes to
>>>> mind as I sit out more and more. Age and size do matter, unfortunately.
>>>> As we become more inclusive in our dance culture we tend to forget those of
>>>> us who raised you and brought you into this wonderful world of dance and
>>>> community. So if there is a kind, gentle way to remind dancers to ask
>>>> ANYone to dance, and to accept the invitation (if so desired) regardless of
>>>> dancer appearance or possible experience then I am all for it. Please note
>>>> this happens to me more at festivals and dances where I am less known as
>>>> organizer, dancer, caller.
>>>>
>>>> Ok way to get off on a tangent but I feel it is relevant.
>>>>
>>>> Mary Collins
>>>>
>>>> “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about
>>>> learning to dance in the rain!” ~ Unknown
>>>>
>>>> On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 10:54 AM, Luke Donforth via Callers <
>>>> callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> At the dances I've seen/called in and around VT, we don't address this
>>>>> directly (with signs or such).
>>>>>
>>>>> I've heard of the practice of sitting after declining, but I don't
>>>>> think it's a common practice for most folks these days. I'd say it's mostly
>>>>> fallen by the wayside.
>>>>>
>>>>> The one time I've seen it come up at a dance was more than a decade
>>>>> ago when an older male dancer castigated a young female dancer for turning
>>>>> him down and then dancing with someone else instead of sitting out. Several
>>>>> folks told her afterwards that he was rude and impertinent and she hadn't
>>>>> been in the wrong. I wish we'd taken a stronger line with him directly too
>>>>> though. I don't know if she offered an excuse or just a no, thank you.
>>>>>
>>>>> I like CD*NY's etiquette list that Alexandra linked to (
>>>>> http://cdny.org/what-is-contra/contra-etiquette/), especially the bit
>>>>> that addresses this:
>>>>>
>>>>> *You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. You
>>>>> don’t have to give a reason; you can just say “No, thank you.” If you ask
>>>>> someone to dance and they say “No,” take it gracefully and move on. If
>>>>> someone has declined to dance with you, the etiquette in our community is
>>>>> not to ask that person again that same night. If they would like to dance
>>>>> with you, they can come ask you—it’s their turn to do the asking.*
>>>>>
>>>>> Adding that you shouldn't ask someone multiple times, but have put the
>>>>> ball in their court seems a polite nudge to folks on both sides
>>>>>
>>>>> Incorporating some of the other strong suggestions that have come up
>>>>> on this discussion, I might advocate our group putting up something like:
>>>>> You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. No
>>>>> reasons are required; a short "No, thank you.” gives that person more time
>>>>> to find a different partner. If you ask someone...
>>>>>
>>>>> Thanks for starting this discussion Kalia! It seems like one that
>>>>> could have gone on the organizers shared-weight instead of callers; but
>>>>> this one does seem to be most people's default.
>>>>>
>>>>> --
>>>>> Luke Donforth
>>>>> Luke.Donforth(a)gmail.com <Luke.Donev(a)gmail.com>
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>> List Name: Callers mailing list
>>>>> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>>>>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/c
>>>>> allers(a)lists.sharedweight.net/
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>> List Name: Callers mailing list
>>>> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>>>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> List Name: Callers mailing list
>>> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>>>
>>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> List Name: Callers mailing list
>> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>>
>>
>
> _______________________________________________
> List Name: Callers mailing list
> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
>
You and me both Ron, we steal from the best.
Bob Green
On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 4:33 PM, Ron Blechner via Callers <
callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> This thread is great!
>
> I just wanted to throw out props to George Marshall who was teaching at
> the end of his beginner lessons: accepting and declining and moving on with
> dance requests - earlier than I can remember other callers doing it. I've
> stolen my schtick directly from him.
>
> Ron Blechner
>
> On Dec 18, 2017 12:09 PM, "Rich Sbardella via Callers" <
> callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>
>> Mary has made some very valid points. It would be good to emphasize that
>> this is a dance "community", and that all people should be respectful of
>> others. Many dancers take a "no" as a personal rejection and perhaps even
>> as disrespectful. This tends to hurt the community as a whole and often
>> leads to cliques. My thought is that dancers should have a reason for
>> saying no, but that reason need not be vocalized.
>>
>> As an older dancer, most of the rejections I experience are from much
>> younger ladies that do not know me yet. I tend to want to help newer
>> dancers with their skills, and have made many new dance friends this way.
>> I handle most rejections by remembering that many other dances seek me out
>> as a partner.
>>
>> To summarize, two people are involved in a dance request, and the
>> response should keep that in mind.
>>
>> On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 11:17 AM, Mary Collins via Callers <
>> callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>>
>>> coming late also here, Dale, so stealing your "lesson" comments. We
>>> usually don't directly address the refusal part of the equation as we are
>>> so short of dancers, it's usually exhaustion that sits us out! lol...saying
>>> that...we do encourage new dancers to ask anyone (esp. those that look like
>>> they know what they are doing) to dance. Our regular dancers are always
>>> eager to bring them into the experience for which I am grateful. The "old"
>>> rule used to apply and several years ago, we had a very upset dancer who
>>> left and never returned because someone turned him down and then danced
>>> with someone else. This particular dancer it was found, had some mental
>>> health issues, along with size and ability issues as well and took the
>>> refusal very personally.
>>>
>>> In the CDSS callers' course we discussed this and it was mentioned that
>>> saying no, needs no explanation. Now, as a large woman (who,it has been
>>> noted by another dancer as"...very light on your feet") I often get no's.
>>> I try to ignore this and not take it personally, however, it often comes to
>>> mind as I sit out more and more. Age and size do matter, unfortunately.
>>> As we become more inclusive in our dance culture we tend to forget those of
>>> us who raised you and brought you into this wonderful world of dance and
>>> community. So if there is a kind, gentle way to remind dancers to ask
>>> ANYone to dance, and to accept the invitation (if so desired) regardless of
>>> dancer appearance or possible experience then I am all for it. Please note
>>> this happens to me more at festivals and dances where I am less known as
>>> organizer, dancer, caller.
>>>
>>> Ok way to get off on a tangent but I feel it is relevant.
>>>
>>> Mary Collins
>>>
>>> “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about
>>> learning to dance in the rain!” ~ Unknown
>>>
>>> On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 10:54 AM, Luke Donforth via Callers <
>>> callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>>>
>>>> At the dances I've seen/called in and around VT, we don't address this
>>>> directly (with signs or such).
>>>>
>>>> I've heard of the practice of sitting after declining, but I don't
>>>> think it's a common practice for most folks these days. I'd say it's mostly
>>>> fallen by the wayside.
>>>>
>>>> The one time I've seen it come up at a dance was more than a decade ago
>>>> when an older male dancer castigated a young female dancer for turning him
>>>> down and then dancing with someone else instead of sitting out. Several
>>>> folks told her afterwards that he was rude and impertinent and she hadn't
>>>> been in the wrong. I wish we'd taken a stronger line with him directly too
>>>> though. I don't know if she offered an excuse or just a no, thank you.
>>>>
>>>> I like CD*NY's etiquette list that Alexandra linked to (
>>>> http://cdny.org/what-is-contra/contra-etiquette/), especially the bit
>>>> that addresses this:
>>>>
>>>> *You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. You
>>>> don’t have to give a reason; you can just say “No, thank you.” If you ask
>>>> someone to dance and they say “No,” take it gracefully and move on. If
>>>> someone has declined to dance with you, the etiquette in our community is
>>>> not to ask that person again that same night. If they would like to dance
>>>> with you, they can come ask you—it’s their turn to do the asking.*
>>>>
>>>> Adding that you shouldn't ask someone multiple times, but have put the
>>>> ball in their court seems a polite nudge to folks on both sides
>>>>
>>>> Incorporating some of the other strong suggestions that have come up on
>>>> this discussion, I might advocate our group putting up something like:
>>>> You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. No
>>>> reasons are required; a short "No, thank you.” gives that person more time
>>>> to find a different partner. If you ask someone...
>>>>
>>>> Thanks for starting this discussion Kalia! It seems like one that could
>>>> have gone on the organizers shared-weight instead of callers; but this one
>>>> does seem to be most people's default.
>>>>
>>>> --
>>>> Luke Donforth
>>>> Luke.Donforth(a)gmail.com <Luke.Donev(a)gmail.com>
>>>>
>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>> List Name: Callers mailing list
>>>> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>>>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> List Name: Callers mailing list
>>> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>>>
>>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> List Name: Callers mailing list
>> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>>
>>
> _______________________________________________
> List Name: Callers mailing list
> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
>
This thread is great!
I just wanted to throw out props to George Marshall who was teaching at the
end of his beginner lessons: accepting and declining and moving on with
dance requests - earlier than I can remember other callers doing it. I've
stolen my schtick directly from him.
Ron Blechner
On Dec 18, 2017 12:09 PM, "Rich Sbardella via Callers" <
callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> Mary has made some very valid points. It would be good to emphasize that
> this is a dance "community", and that all people should be respectful of
> others. Many dancers take a "no" as a personal rejection and perhaps even
> as disrespectful. This tends to hurt the community as a whole and often
> leads to cliques. My thought is that dancers should have a reason for
> saying no, but that reason need not be vocalized.
>
> As an older dancer, most of the rejections I experience are from much
> younger ladies that do not know me yet. I tend to want to help newer
> dancers with their skills, and have made many new dance friends this way.
> I handle most rejections by remembering that many other dances seek me out
> as a partner.
>
> To summarize, two people are involved in a dance request, and the response
> should keep that in mind.
>
> On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 11:17 AM, Mary Collins via Callers <
> callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>
>> coming late also here, Dale, so stealing your "lesson" comments. We
>> usually don't directly address the refusal part of the equation as we are
>> so short of dancers, it's usually exhaustion that sits us out! lol...saying
>> that...we do encourage new dancers to ask anyone (esp. those that look like
>> they know what they are doing) to dance. Our regular dancers are always
>> eager to bring them into the experience for which I am grateful. The "old"
>> rule used to apply and several years ago, we had a very upset dancer who
>> left and never returned because someone turned him down and then danced
>> with someone else. This particular dancer it was found, had some mental
>> health issues, along with size and ability issues as well and took the
>> refusal very personally.
>>
>> In the CDSS callers' course we discussed this and it was mentioned that
>> saying no, needs no explanation. Now, as a large woman (who,it has been
>> noted by another dancer as"...very light on your feet") I often get no's.
>> I try to ignore this and not take it personally, however, it often comes to
>> mind as I sit out more and more. Age and size do matter, unfortunately.
>> As we become more inclusive in our dance culture we tend to forget those of
>> us who raised you and brought you into this wonderful world of dance and
>> community. So if there is a kind, gentle way to remind dancers to ask
>> ANYone to dance, and to accept the invitation (if so desired) regardless of
>> dancer appearance or possible experience then I am all for it. Please note
>> this happens to me more at festivals and dances where I am less known as
>> organizer, dancer, caller.
>>
>> Ok way to get off on a tangent but I feel it is relevant.
>>
>> Mary Collins
>>
>> “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about learning
>> to dance in the rain!” ~ Unknown
>>
>> On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 10:54 AM, Luke Donforth via Callers <
>> callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>>
>>> At the dances I've seen/called in and around VT, we don't address this
>>> directly (with signs or such).
>>>
>>> I've heard of the practice of sitting after declining, but I don't think
>>> it's a common practice for most folks these days. I'd say it's mostly
>>> fallen by the wayside.
>>>
>>> The one time I've seen it come up at a dance was more than a decade ago
>>> when an older male dancer castigated a young female dancer for turning him
>>> down and then dancing with someone else instead of sitting out. Several
>>> folks told her afterwards that he was rude and impertinent and she hadn't
>>> been in the wrong. I wish we'd taken a stronger line with him directly too
>>> though. I don't know if she offered an excuse or just a no, thank you.
>>>
>>> I like CD*NY's etiquette list that Alexandra linked to (
>>> http://cdny.org/what-is-contra/contra-etiquette/), especially the bit
>>> that addresses this:
>>>
>>> *You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. You
>>> don’t have to give a reason; you can just say “No, thank you.” If you ask
>>> someone to dance and they say “No,” take it gracefully and move on. If
>>> someone has declined to dance with you, the etiquette in our community is
>>> not to ask that person again that same night. If they would like to dance
>>> with you, they can come ask you—it’s their turn to do the asking.*
>>>
>>> Adding that you shouldn't ask someone multiple times, but have put the
>>> ball in their court seems a polite nudge to folks on both sides
>>>
>>> Incorporating some of the other strong suggestions that have come up on
>>> this discussion, I might advocate our group putting up something like:
>>> You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. No
>>> reasons are required; a short "No, thank you.” gives that person more time
>>> to find a different partner. If you ask someone...
>>>
>>> Thanks for starting this discussion Kalia! It seems like one that could
>>> have gone on the organizers shared-weight instead of callers; but this one
>>> does seem to be most people's default.
>>>
>>> --
>>> Luke Donforth
>>> Luke.Donforth(a)gmail.com <Luke.Donev(a)gmail.com>
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> List Name: Callers mailing list
>>> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>>>
>>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> List Name: Callers mailing list
>> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>>
>>
>
> _______________________________________________
> List Name: Callers mailing list
> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
>
Mary has made some very valid points. It would be good to emphasize that
this is a dance "community", and that all people should be respectful of
others. Many dancers take a "no" as a personal rejection and perhaps even
as disrespectful. This tends to hurt the community as a whole and often
leads to cliques. My thought is that dancers should have a reason for
saying no, but that reason need not be vocalized.
As an older dancer, most of the rejections I experience are from much
younger ladies that do not know me yet. I tend to want to help newer
dancers with their skills, and have made many new dance friends this way.
I handle most rejections by remembering that many other dances seek me out
as a partner.
To summarize, two people are involved in a dance request, and the response
should keep that in mind.
On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 11:17 AM, Mary Collins via Callers <
callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> coming late also here, Dale, so stealing your "lesson" comments. We
> usually don't directly address the refusal part of the equation as we are
> so short of dancers, it's usually exhaustion that sits us out! lol...saying
> that...we do encourage new dancers to ask anyone (esp. those that look like
> they know what they are doing) to dance. Our regular dancers are always
> eager to bring them into the experience for which I am grateful. The "old"
> rule used to apply and several years ago, we had a very upset dancer who
> left and never returned because someone turned him down and then danced
> with someone else. This particular dancer it was found, had some mental
> health issues, along with size and ability issues as well and took the
> refusal very personally.
>
> In the CDSS callers' course we discussed this and it was mentioned that
> saying no, needs no explanation. Now, as a large woman (who,it has been
> noted by another dancer as"...very light on your feet") I often get no's.
> I try to ignore this and not take it personally, however, it often comes to
> mind as I sit out more and more. Age and size do matter, unfortunately.
> As we become more inclusive in our dance culture we tend to forget those of
> us who raised you and brought you into this wonderful world of dance and
> community. So if there is a kind, gentle way to remind dancers to ask
> ANYone to dance, and to accept the invitation (if so desired) regardless of
> dancer appearance or possible experience then I am all for it. Please note
> this happens to me more at festivals and dances where I am less known as
> organizer, dancer, caller.
>
> Ok way to get off on a tangent but I feel it is relevant.
>
> Mary Collins
>
> “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about learning
> to dance in the rain!” ~ Unknown
>
> On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 10:54 AM, Luke Donforth via Callers <
> callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>
>> At the dances I've seen/called in and around VT, we don't address this
>> directly (with signs or such).
>>
>> I've heard of the practice of sitting after declining, but I don't think
>> it's a common practice for most folks these days. I'd say it's mostly
>> fallen by the wayside.
>>
>> The one time I've seen it come up at a dance was more than a decade ago
>> when an older male dancer castigated a young female dancer for turning him
>> down and then dancing with someone else instead of sitting out. Several
>> folks told her afterwards that he was rude and impertinent and she hadn't
>> been in the wrong. I wish we'd taken a stronger line with him directly too
>> though. I don't know if she offered an excuse or just a no, thank you.
>>
>> I like CD*NY's etiquette list that Alexandra linked to (
>> http://cdny.org/what-is-contra/contra-etiquette/), especially the bit
>> that addresses this:
>>
>> *You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. You don’t
>> have to give a reason; you can just say “No, thank you.” If you ask someone
>> to dance and they say “No,” take it gracefully and move on. If someone has
>> declined to dance with you, the etiquette in our community is not to ask
>> that person again that same night. If they would like to dance with you,
>> they can come ask you—it’s their turn to do the asking.*
>>
>> Adding that you shouldn't ask someone multiple times, but have put the
>> ball in their court seems a polite nudge to folks on both sides
>>
>> Incorporating some of the other strong suggestions that have come up on
>> this discussion, I might advocate our group putting up something like:
>> You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. No reasons
>> are required; a short "No, thank you.” gives that person more time to find
>> a different partner. If you ask someone...
>>
>> Thanks for starting this discussion Kalia! It seems like one that could
>> have gone on the organizers shared-weight instead of callers; but this one
>> does seem to be most people's default.
>>
>> --
>> Luke Donforth
>> Luke.Donforth(a)gmail.com <Luke.Donev(a)gmail.com>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> List Name: Callers mailing list
>> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
>> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>>
>>
>
> _______________________________________________
> List Name: Callers mailing list
> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
>
coming late also here, Dale, so stealing your "lesson" comments. We
usually don't directly address the refusal part of the equation as we are
so short of dancers, it's usually exhaustion that sits us out! lol...saying
that...we do encourage new dancers to ask anyone (esp. those that look like
they know what they are doing) to dance. Our regular dancers are always
eager to bring them into the experience for which I am grateful. The "old"
rule used to apply and several years ago, we had a very upset dancer who
left and never returned because someone turned him down and then danced
with someone else. This particular dancer it was found, had some mental
health issues, along with size and ability issues as well and took the
refusal very personally.
In the CDSS callers' course we discussed this and it was mentioned that
saying no, needs no explanation. Now, as a large woman (who,it has been
noted by another dancer as"...very light on your feet") I often get no's.
I try to ignore this and not take it personally, however, it often comes to
mind as I sit out more and more. Age and size do matter, unfortunately.
As we become more inclusive in our dance culture we tend to forget those of
us who raised you and brought you into this wonderful world of dance and
community. So if there is a kind, gentle way to remind dancers to ask
ANYone to dance, and to accept the invitation (if so desired) regardless of
dancer appearance or possible experience then I am all for it. Please note
this happens to me more at festivals and dances where I am less known as
organizer, dancer, caller.
Ok way to get off on a tangent but I feel it is relevant.
Mary Collins
“Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about learning
to dance in the rain!” ~ Unknown
On Mon, Dec 18, 2017 at 10:54 AM, Luke Donforth via Callers <
callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> At the dances I've seen/called in and around VT, we don't address this
> directly (with signs or such).
>
> I've heard of the practice of sitting after declining, but I don't think
> it's a common practice for most folks these days. I'd say it's mostly
> fallen by the wayside.
>
> The one time I've seen it come up at a dance was more than a decade ago
> when an older male dancer castigated a young female dancer for turning him
> down and then dancing with someone else instead of sitting out. Several
> folks told her afterwards that he was rude and impertinent and she hadn't
> been in the wrong. I wish we'd taken a stronger line with him directly too
> though. I don't know if she offered an excuse or just a no, thank you.
>
> I like CD*NY's etiquette list that Alexandra linked to (
> http://cdny.org/what-is-contra/contra-etiquette/), especially the bit
> that addresses this:
>
> *You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. You don’t
> have to give a reason; you can just say “No, thank you.” If you ask someone
> to dance and they say “No,” take it gracefully and move on. If someone has
> declined to dance with you, the etiquette in our community is not to ask
> that person again that same night. If they would like to dance with you,
> they can come ask you—it’s their turn to do the asking.*
>
> Adding that you shouldn't ask someone multiple times, but have put the
> ball in their court seems a polite nudge to folks on both sides
>
> Incorporating some of the other strong suggestions that have come up on
> this discussion, I might advocate our group putting up something like:
> You are always free to say no when someone asks you to dance. No reasons
> are required; a short "No, thank you.” gives that person more time to find
> a different partner. If you ask someone...
>
> Thanks for starting this discussion Kalia! It seems like one that could
> have gone on the organizers shared-weight instead of callers; but this one
> does seem to be most people's default.
>
> --
> Luke Donforth
> Luke.Donforth(a)gmail.com <Luke.Donev(a)gmail.com>
>
> _______________________________________________
> List Name: Callers mailing list
> List Address: Callers(a)lists.sharedweight.net
> Archives: https://www.mail-archive.com/callers@lists.sharedweight.net/
>
>
Kalia,
At South Bay Contra ( SF Bay Area) we have a sign posted around the hall (edited from a sign that I got from Pasadena Contra that edited the sign from Lake City Contra). It says:
When looking for your next dance partner, please know:
Anyone can ask anyone. Don’t wait to be asked.
If someone asks you to dance, it’s fine to say no.
You don’t have to sit out a dance because you declined an offer.
If you want to dance, ask someone right after the last dance ends. Sitting down means you are not going to dance.
We also ask that the caller reiterate this during the lesson and during the dance.
Claire Takemori
On 12/16/17 11:39 AM, Kalia Kliban via Callers wrote:
> Hi all,
>
> Those of us who started dancing 2 or 3 decades back probably remember
> the rule about sitting out the dance if you turn down a partner offer.
> A very competent male dancer I know who started around the same time I
> did (late 80s) recently confessed to me that he never asks anyone to
> dance because he doesn't want to put folks in the position of thinking
> "If I don't dance with this guy then I have to sit one out.? Oh crap,
> guess I'll have to dance with him."? For the record, he's a totally
> solid and delightful dancer.
>
> To what extent has that earlier etiquette norm either survived or been
> replaced, and what has it been replaced with?? In your dance
> community, do you have a written statement of the etiquette around
> this?? Our community's statement doesn't directly address this issue.
>
> Kalia
> _______________________________________________
