[Callers] Moving past self-flagellation

[Kelsey Hartman]

Seth Tapfer said something in a callers' workshop once that has become my
"go to" for this sort of issue. Everyone makes mistakes, it's how the
caller reacts/responds (do it with a sense of humor and NEVER blame the
dancers) that makes all the difference in the world.

I just came off a dance weekend where one of the callers repeatedly made
mistakes, which were made because there wasn't enough care or thought
involved and was very arrogant with not wanting to adapt to changing
language (using something other than the "g" word as asked) and I, as a
dancer, am still angry and upset. I know that I will never go to a weekend
or evening dance when that caller is listed again. If that caller had
approached it all very differently, I would have been on their side in
spite of the mistakes.



On Mon, Nov 6, 2017 at 8:17 AM, Perry Shafran via Callers <
callers at lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> Maia,
>
> I used to self-flagellate all the time when I had average gigs or made a
> lot of mistakes during the evening that I could have done better.  I know
> that sometimes it seems that dancers give you the evil eye after you've
> made a mistake or two, and it can feel uncomfortable.
>
> I got some advice from an organizer that really noticed how I was taking
> my own self flagellation - I should go easy on myself.  Most dancers really
> appreciate what callers do (knowing that many of them just don't want to
> call because they'd rather be dancing), and probably understand that it's
> probably not easy to put yourself up there.
>
> So now when I do make a mistake, notice the dancers aren't quite getting
> it or something occurs a little rough, I just take that as a learning
> experience and hope not to make that mistake the next time.  It's a mental
> exercise to be sure, but I'd recommend trying the same thing at a future
> dance, except consciously be aware of what happened last time and make
> efforts to correct that.  Once it works better a second time, you'll forget
> that you made a mistake at en earlier dance and chalk that up to a bad
> evening.  We all have them from time to time.
>
> Perry
>
>
> ------------------------------
> *From:* Maia McCormick via Callers <callers at lists.sharedweight.net>
> *To:* "callers at lists.sharedweight.net" <callers at lists.sharedweight.net>
> *Sent:* Monday, November 6, 2017 11:10 AM
> *Subject:* [Callers] Moving past self-flagellation
>
> So after a gig, I find myself haunted by one or two missteps from an
> evening — the rolling start that was a little muddy, the thing I didn’t
> teach clearly enough so the dancers never quite got it — even though the
> dancers adjusted and all had a good time, and I still had the hall’s trust
> and goodwill at the end of the evening.
>
> Is this a familiar experience for anyone? Assuming you’ve already learned
> the lesson to be learned there, how do you move past it and stop
> self-flagellating?Would love to hear some people’s thoughts!
>
> Cheers,
> Maia
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-- 
Keep Dancing!
Kelsey Hartman
(510) 816-7225
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