I’ve been reading these posts about how partners should hold each other and I think a central point is missing. My comments are really towards the active dancing experience, no so much a single topic workshop.
Grace.
Grace needs to be the central idea when we dance, and especially in a teaching opportunity like a workshop.
A good dancer dances with some grace, which for me means that she/he dances in a way to fit the other person, to be comfortable with the other person. As experienced dancers, I bet everyone of us can pretty accurately read a dancer as we get closer for the first time and do the right thing. And bam! A good swing happens. There are just so many variables that having a standard rule just doesn’t seem feasible to me. Or even necessary.
I dance with lots of different people. I make a practice every month to do several dances with first time dancers, or folks who are new to our hall, and I love doing it. I do it so that they’ll have a good experience and want to come back. And it is always easy to find at least one nice thing to say about how they’re dancing versus just pointing out corrections. I wouldn’t line up with a new dancer and say, “Now, THIS is how you hold each other for THESE reasons.” (I do hear other guys try to recite a manual to beginning dancers.) What I do is take them in arms by seeing where they go first, and maybe doing that. And then as the dance progresses I might make adjustments so they’re comfortable, the communication happens, etc. It really isn’t that difficult to find that spot, and I don’t want to get them into a position where it’s clear they’re not comfortable. Good dancers just simply pay attention and make it good, and not worry about enforcing some preconceived notions. And the beginning dancer adapts, and then hopefully the next person down the line reads her and then makes it good again.
And these things even out. Not unlike a walk through that’s confusing, but then when the music begins the dance just flows. In my experience beginning dancers are so much more comfortable even by the second half of the evening (which they might stick around for if people have been kind and graceful with them during the first half.)
The other thing that makes this conversation curious is there are no beginning dancers reading this thread. I would bet there are no difficult dancers reading this thread, or clampers, or arm-wrestling allemanders. If the purpose of this is to make the dance experience good for everyone, with a special focus on new dancers, then we’re not really getting closer to that objective by trying to describe with great accuracy the perfect hold. I’m 5’10”, she’s 4’ 11”… no wait, my next neighbor is 6’2” and pretty seriously outweighs me; hold on, here comes one of my favorite, regular partners and she likes to move in close and swing fast; next one really likes the forearm hold; some ladies are delighted by the basket where we both have our hands on the backs of each other (great, strong hold); I also like to two hands swings if there’s room.
I’m know that we do need to be aware of ways of dancing that are not safe, are not comfortable, and find ways to communicate that. But doing that isn’t helped by getting out the recent edition of Popular Mechanics for Dancers, but rather with gentle suggestions that encourages safer, more pleasant connectedness with their opposite.
Grace- So my interest is in the other person having a great time not only with the swing, but with a prompting for the progression if that’s a good idea, or moving her back to where she needs to be right now, or with a joke, or moving in a surprising way if that makes her smile and laugh. And I need all that kind of fun helpfulness from time-to-time myself!
Grace can be taught if it’s a central part of the conversation. If you raise awareness of it.
I think you all get my point, and it clearly makes me an outlier to this conversation, so I’ll now step away!
Stephen Moore
Lenox Contra Dance,
Lenox, MA
When teaching, I ask the ladies to place their left hand on the gent's shoulder and to support their own arm (i.e., not merely rest her arm on the gent's arm, but to actively feel her part of the subtle push-me-pull-you dynamic of the frame).
When I run into a dreaded "clamper," I will in the case of a neighbor try to ignore the discomfort and enjoy the interaction. In the case of a partner, I will ask her, for me, to place her hand/arm as I described above. I make it a point that my request is about my own comfort, and other men may or may not experience the same discomfort.
*clampers: people who lock down on my arm, in the process typically restricting my right elbow, with their left arm. This is sometimes accompanied by a hand gripped tightly around my arm between my bicep and my shoulder. These things I find uncomfortable (and I presume others do as well).
I occasionally have someone who rests a lost of weight on my arm, in which case (if I choose to say anything), I again make it about me and my bodily limitations and comfort. I am currently strong and healthy, and can support a certain amount of weight and/or sloppy dancing, but I don't wish to encourage it.
--Jerome
Jerome Grisanti
660-528-0858
http://www.jeromegrisanti.com"Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it." --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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Stephen Moore
P.O. Box 38
Monterey, MA 01245
413-528-4007