Hi Jeanette,
Exciting workshop! I'm glad to see this discussed!
So if I'm understanding you correctly, you seem to be contrasting the idea of a "leader" with the fact that moves must be "executed with mutual consent", which I find interesting. For me, those ideas are not at all at odds. I see the "leader" as the person who initiates, or offers, the embellishment, and the "follower" as then deciding to execute it or not. To put it another way: in my opinion, all embellishments are composed of an offer (the "lead") and either an acceptance or declination. In this framework, designating one person the "leader" is not at odds with consensual twirling--the "follower" has agency every step of the way!--and it can be helpful to establish "right of way" in twirling.*
I teach a workshop on dance floor communication, and I am happy to talk more if you like! But my initial suggestion for a workshop activity/focus is: break down non-verbal communication of flourishes. What does an offer look/feel like? An acceptance? A declination? Have people practice physically declining flourishes: when the lead lifts an arm to offer a twirl, the follow gently tugs down, rather than following that upward twirly momentum. (Note that the twirlee can also do the offering -- e.g. I am a lady doing a chain, and I get to the gent and lift my arm up over my head to indicate that I want to twirl. But the gent still gets to accept or decline! Maybe they have a bad shoulder and can't lift their arm up that far, etc. So that's an idea to put in people's heads as well.)
Many follows aren't aware that they're allowed to decline flourishes, and many leads have no idea what a declination feels like! So this is a GREAT thing to practice. Emphasize to folks that they can decline a twirl for any reason; and that if someone declines your twirl, not to take it personally. (Cuz boyyy I have seen some men get huffy when I don't want to twirl for them.) And then PRACTICE so people get really aware of what signals to physically "listen" for. (In my workshop I had the crowd do a dance** with lots of flourish opportunities for both roles, and encouraged participants to play with whether they offered flourishes or not, whether they accepted or declined, and to really listen for their partner's signals.)
Hope some of that was helpful! Like I said, I have lots of ideas on this topic and am happy to talk further. Thanks for teaching this, and best of luck -- let us know how it goes!
Cheers,
Maia
* As John mentioned, twirls etc. can be initiated by either role, and I've certainly danced those dances where both roles are twirling all over the place! They're delightful, but I also find them super confusing because I never know if I should be in "initiate" or "respond" mode -- I appreciate designating one person the "leader", i.e. the person who initiates flourishes (and then switching around the "leader" if need be).
**
Apogee by Chris Page, though in retrospect I might have picked something easier... maybe
PB&J by Bill Olson? If you don't have a crowd that's up for a gent's chain, though, most any dance with a lot of flourish opportunities (chains, balance and swing's, lines down the hall, etc.) will do.