I think we need to have more respect for our dancers. If any dancer were to show disrespect or rudeness to any person of color who was a dancer where I call, and I knew that that rudeness was because they were a person of color, I would want to find ways to address this. And I do not feel in any way that any person, gay or straight or of any other group deserves less. But I cannot look into the hearts and minds of the dancers to know what they feel. If a man should feel awkward dancing with another man, or a woman with a woman, I would be disappointed. The only real way to hope to know what another person is feeling however is to ask them, but to do so in a way that is real is no easy matter. Unless the behavior is very blatant and oppressive I would ask you to simply move on. It is not simply that someone might fear you, but that they might have the power in a group to enforce their distaste, and that, as long as we are inclusive will not happen often at a contra dance. Our hope at a dance is to become more tolerant people, and that for the most part is what I have seen at dances for thirty or more years. Our real troubles, as far as I can see are not, for the most part with each other, but with the world outside. It seems to me that folks who are comfortable with each other, regardless of gender, or color or so many other hateful divisions, it seems to me that the these tolerant people have a great deal of support at the dances I attend. I call one dance: Fisher's Jig, by Tom Hinds, in which the men swing men or the women swing women. At one dance a while ago all four dancers, both men and both women, formed a basket. I liked that so much I have called it that way since. The feeling of everyone enjoying everyone else was grand. Rickey Holt Fremont, NH -----Original Message----- From: callers-bounces(a)sharedweight.net [mailto:callers-bounces@sharedweight.net] On Behalf Of Maia McCormick Sent: Wednesday, April 10, 2013 7:43 PM To: Caller's discussion list Subject: [Callers] Homophobia in contradancing? (Was: flirty contra dances?) I just don't accept that men not wanting to dance with other men necessarily has anything to do with homosexuality. Not to derail the flirty contradances discussion any further, but I wanted to put in my two cents. And to be fair, I *can* only speak about the US here, but I suspect much of this will apply to the UK as well. At the very least, I want to explain how men not wanting to dance with other men almost certainly has something to do with homosexuality and fear thereof--and you can decide yourself whether or not that explanation applies in the UK. If dancing with another man is not a particular male dancer's first choice, because they prefer to dance with women, or it's too complicated to work out the lead/follow dynamics, or what have you, that I can accept. But men being so averse to dancing with other men that it makes them decidedly uncomfortable to participate in a same-sex swing? Seems homophobic. (And of course, there may be other reasons behind this... but homophobia seems the simplest explanation for the majority of cases.) I'll explain. "Homophobia encompasses a range of negative attitudes and feelings toward homosexuality or people who are identified or perceived as being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender." I would argue that the reason for this discomfort with same-sex swinging stems from the men not wanting to be perceived as gay. NOT THAT THIS IS (necessarily) A CONSCIOUS SENTIMENT! I think it mostly stems from societal attitudes that are, at this point, incredibly deeply embedded. But, think about how much more social license female friends have to touch each other than male friends do. How men are expected to be constantly reinforcing and proving their masculinity by talking about sex, cars, etc. Think about the implications of the phrase "no homo"--that being suspected to be gay would be *the worst thing, oh my god* and one must avoid it and make disclaimers about their actions. Here's a superbowl ad from a few years back<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oooij6sQYgI>gI>: look at how a) men kissing is hilarious and b) when they've done something gay, these guys freak out and need to reassert their manliness. Again, I'm not saying this is how any of the contra-men in question would react to, say, an accidental gay kiss... but these are the social norms that we're working within. So to me, two men being uncomfortable with close physical contact *absolutely* says, "no, we don't want to get too close or we'll seem/be gay," that is, a fear of homosexuality (or perception as such, or implication of such), that is, homophobia. But, I'm really curious what other explanations you can offer for this discomfort. It's just that, to me (being a gender studies major and all), this seems like the most obvious one. But I really am eager to hear alternate explanations. Forgive the gender-studies rant, I just get nerdily excited about this stuff! I hope that was somewhat coherent, but if I lost you anywhere, I can certainly clarify (or someone else can jump in and say it again more lucidly). Cheers, Maia 2013/4/10 Colin Hume &lt;colin(a)colinhume.com&gt; _______________________________________________ Callers mailing list Callers(a)sharedweight.net http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers