Hi Alison,
I'm sorry I can't point you towards dances in your neck of the woods (I'm on the other coast), but what jumped out at me from your message was "often no room for a do si-do (much less spinning) because the lines are so full."
To me, it sounds like you've got an opportunity. I can understand not wanting to take on calling or organizing a dance in your area (if you did, CDSS has some resources to help with that
http://www.cdss.org/contra-dance.html); but I'd hope that if you announced at your barn dance that there was a local~ish weekend and were looking for a carpool; you might find a few other folks excited about more dancing opportunities. Maybe you can get those folks hooked and they'll be interested in carpooling to nearby contra that fits your desire; or get them interested in building more of a local scene. But having a crowd of folks willing to go to local barn dances seems like a great place to start.