While Jeffrey makes a compelling point, I want to chime in with another thought:
that not having these discussions is just as divisive (if not more so) than having them, just in ways that are harder for some sides of the community to see. While people make (very valid) claims that long discussions about terminology, altering words to singing squares, etc. are alienating some more established members of the community, to
not have these discussions is to alienate many other folks, particularly people our dance scene has done less well by in the past -- young people, people of color, queer people, trans people... the list goes on.
And if it doesn't look to you like these people are being alienated, that might be because the alienation started so early that they just never came back to another contra dance, after they heard the caller using language that made them deeply uncomfortable, or were "offered" a dance to split them from their partner, or looked out on the crowd and didn't see anyone who looked like them.
So yes, having these discussions may make some folks uncomfortable, and I want to strive to minimize this discomfort; at the same time, many are made deeply uncomfortable by the status quo, often it ways it's hard to see (because often the response to this kind of discomfort is to leave the community and not come back--so we have a pronounced sample bias). To dismiss these conversations because they're divisive or uncomfortable is to prioritize the unity and comfort of one group (the established contra scene) over another (all those who might have been contradancers, were the community more welcoming to them), and that doesn't sit right with me.
Cheers,
Maia