I think the story you tell is a great reason why the older etiquette of having to sit out is silly and outdated -- I'd rather someone who doesn't want to dance with me just say "no thank you!" And continue about their business. 

As a caller, I teach that "yes, thank you!" and "no, thank you!" are both perfectly acceptable answers if someone asks you to dance. I also point out that if someone declines your offer to dance, too never take it personally. 

To clarify, however, being rude is still totally unacceptable! My mom was turned down for a dance recently with the line, "no, sorry; I'm *very* particular with who I dance with!" Nope! Don't be that guy! 

On Dec 16, 2017 3:11 PM, "Alexandra Deis-Lauby via Callers" <callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
This is Cdny’s etiquette page. It addresses saying no but not in great detail in terms of historical practice. 

http://cdny.org/what-is-contra/contra-etiquette/

Sent from my iPhone

On Dec 16, 2017, at 2:39 PM, Kalia Kliban via Callers <callers@lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

Hi all,

Those of us who started dancing 2 or 3 decades back probably remember the rule about sitting out the dance if you turn down a partner offer. A very competent male dancer I know who started around the same time I did (late 80s) recently confessed to me that he never asks anyone to dance because he doesn't want to put folks in the position of thinking "If I don't dance with this guy then I have to sit one out.  Oh crap, guess I'll have to dance with him."  For the record, he's a totally solid and delightful dancer.

To what extent has that earlier etiquette norm either survived or been replaced, and what has it been replaced with?  In your dance community, do you have a written statement of the etiquette around this?  Our community's statement doesn't directly address this issue.

Kalia
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