[Callers] Moving past self-flagellation

[Mary Collins]

First LET me say thanks to all who posted in this thread. There are many
useful tips here, some new and different things to look at, digest and try,
some are repeats of advice received over the years and good reminders.

I believe it was Lisa G. (or maybe it was David K. or both) who said get a
trusted, strong dancer friend to talk about your evening. I find that
having that person as a travelling companion helps relax me prior to
calling as well as help in dissecting the evening after. This person does
this in a non judgemental way and is supportive and encouraging while
giving me a dancer's perspective.

Recently I had a dance near the end of the evening that did not work too
well and substituted a somewhat easier dance as the final dance of the
evening, that dance failed in places as well. Aaarrrgggghhhh...the
supportive comments of dancers, the band and the organizers certainly
helped this very non-perfect perfectionist to leave feeling better about
the end of a mostly wonderful evening. Getting home and finding an
invitation to rebook was also a great balm for my self-flagellation.

As an imperfect perfectionist, calling has helped me come to terms with
that....that nothing is perfect, and it's ok to not be. Doing so with humor
and shouldering the blame is certainly the way to go. Of all the things
I've done (ask me for my whole resume) calling has been and continues to be
the most humbling, uplifting, challenging and rewarding endeavor yet.

Thank you all for your continued loving support.

Mary Collins


On Nov 7, 2017 10:28 AM, "Martha Wild via Callers" <
callers at lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

And about switching to another dance when there is trouble with one:

Sometimes, this is necessary. Sometimes, you have misjudged the difficulty
level of the dance for the dancers, or the dance doesn’t work as written
down (oops). Hopefully you notice that before teaching or during, but
things happen.  However, one thing I have seen and felt as a dancer is that
if a dance just needs one more walkthrough to orient people in the move
that is messing them up, and then the dancers can do it (even if it starts
rocky), they are so happy at the end that they met the challenge and did
it. So if I feel that I can salvage the dance, I don’t toss it for an
easier one, because the reward for the dancers is high.

Martha

On Nov 6, 2017, at 9:27 AM, Rich Sbardella via Callers <
callers at lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

I have learned that owning my mistakes publicly is an important part of
moving forward.  Sometimes I use humor to soften the blow.  Another very
important thing I have learned is to make the next dance a great dance.
Something fun, with guaranteed success.  Our mistakes bother us more that
they bother most dancers.

My belief is that we are hired to help the dancers have a good time.  One
or two little mistakes will not destroy our efforts, and even a major
mistake need not be taken out of the context of an overall successful
evening.  (BTW, these are truths that I am still learning)

Rich Sbardella
Stafford, CT


On Mon, Nov 6, 2017 at 11:10 AM, Maia McCormick via Callers <
callers at listssharedweight.net <callers at lists.sharedweight.net>> wrote:

> So after a gig, I find myself haunted by one or two missteps from an
> evening — the rolling start that was a little muddy, the thing I didn’t
> teach clearly enough so the dancers never quite got it — even though the
> dancers adjusted and all had a good time, and I still had the hall’s trust
> and goodwill at the end of the evening.
>
> Is this a familiar experience for anyone? Assuming you’ve already learned
> the lesson to be learned there, how do you move past it and stop
> self-flagellating?Would love to hear some people’s thoughts!
>
> Cheers,
> Maia
>
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