[Callers] Etiquette of refusing an offer to dance

Amy Wimmer amywimmer at gmail.com
Fri Dec 22 09:58:08 PST 2017


We put that sign in the women's room because it's not just about declining
a dance. It's about having permission to say no, AND what to do about
creepy behavior. There's a sign in the men's room about creepy behavior. We
haven't specifically addressed the issue of declining a dance with the
whole community yet.

-Amy

On Dec 19, 2017 6:16 AM, "Read Weaver" <rweaver at igc.org> wrote:

> Why do you only put this in the women’s room? Perhaps you live somewhere
> where it’s unusual for a woman to ask a man to dance, but you say your sign
> goes on to say to find a dancer you want to dance with. And while I don’t
> question that men are more likely to do things to make a female partner
> uncomfortable, the reverse isn’t unheard of. And even if that never
> happened, putting it in both restrooms would let the men know what to
> expect.
>
> Read Weaver
> Jamaica Plain, MA
> http://lcfd.org
>
> > On Dec 17, 2017, at 12:30 PM, Amy Wimmer via Callers <
> callers at lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
> >
> > Greetings All,
> >
> > I really like JD's methods. When teaching I do an abbreviated version of
> that, but I think I'll expand it to include a _kind_ refusal, and universal
> participation during the lesson.
> >
> > My husband and I are dance organizers, and for several years have been
> working hard to make the atmosphere of the dance welcoming and safe for
> all. We have signs in the restrooms about behavior. The one in the women's
> states that if one doesn't want to dance with someone, for any reason, it
> is best to be quick about it, saying, "No, thank you," so the ask-er has
> time to find a different partner. Skip the lengthy excuse, then find a
> partner you _want_ to dance with.
> >
> > Also, at the end of a dance, I often encourage people to invite someone
> who's sitting out to dance. Every once in a while I ask new folks to
> identify themselves, then ask experienced dancers to dance with them.
> >
> > -Amy
>
>
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