[Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

Ron Blechner via Callers callers at lists.sharedweight.net
Wed Sep 9 07:42:28 PDT 2015


Maybe. Maybe not. My point was that we should be very, very careful about
making a definitive statement about something being "just an accusation",
especially when in your example, there was a second problem - even if it
was a year earlier.
On Sep 9, 2015 10:39 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers" <
callers at lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:

> Appreciate that.  Don't think the "where there's smoke there's fire" issue
> applies here, though.  It would if there were several *different* women
> complaining about one man...
>
> --------------------
> Lindsay Morris
> CEO, TSMworks
> Tel. 1-859-539-9900
> lindsay at tsmworks.com
>
> On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner <contraron at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> Hi Lindsay,
>>
>> I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if my brevity
>> comes off as bruskness.
>>
>> These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra.
>>
>> As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out the source.
>> Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of ensuring that we
>> ask open-ended questions, and not leading questions.
>>
>> We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular
>> announcements about us being available for any reason. Usually 4-7 members
>> of our board attend any dance.
>>
>> You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer, if you're
>> interested in more specifics.
>>
>> I would also caution about making such definitive statements as "just an
>> accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's fire. For every
>> accusation, there's five people who are too uncomfortable to speak up.
>>
>> That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of issues. The
>> biggest benefit is simple:
>>
>> Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe it's a
>> simple misunderstanding. Maybe the person needed a clear boundary drawn.
>> But wait until there's a pile of complaints, and you've already lost
>> dancers and the resolution will need to be more severe for the offender.
>>
>> Best regards,
>> Ron Blechner
>> On Sep 9, 2015 10:08 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers" <
>> callers at lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>>
>>> Chris Weiler's Positive Solutions
>>> <http://www.puttinonthedance.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Positive-Solutions-Chris.pdf>
>>> on dealing with problem dancers, and the CDU Policy
>>> <http://www.puttinonthedance.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/09-12-16-CDU-policy-on-inappropriate-behavior.pdf>
>>> are thoughtful and useful documents.
>>>
>>> We have a different problem here.
>>>
>>> One woman often complains to board members about men she sees as
>>> creepers or sexual predators. She reports their misbehavior on behalf of
>>> their victims. The victims don't initiate these reports.*
>>>
>>> Many others *don't* see these men as creepy or inappropriate.  Recently
>>> one of the "victims" clarified that her discomfort with the man was a year
>>> ago and she'd long ago dealt with it to her satisfaction.  The man in
>>> question had heard only rumors that some nameless woman was unhappy about
>>> some nameless thing he'd done.
>>>
>>> This woman also publicly asked that young women who feel harassed should
>>> talk to her about it.  We feel that's the Board's job, not hers.
>>>
>>> It seems that this woman is fishing for - or even inventing -
>>> "naughty-dancer" problems.
>>>
>>> When a married man gets accused of being a sexual predator, his wife has
>>> to wonder if it's true. This adds to any marital tensions they may already
>>> have.  So, while this woman is not actually punching anybody in the face,
>>> it seems to me that she's committing violence.
>>>
>>> How should we handle this?
>>>
>>>    - I think we need a "No proxy complaints" policy - i.e., the victim
>>>    has to speak up (and then our process will usually fix simple
>>>    miscommunication issues).
>>>    - We need to clearly identify board members, so genuine victims know
>>>    who to talk to.
>>>
>>> But does anybody have other ideas about preventing one person's issues
>>> from  poisoning the atmosphere of a mostly friendly dance?
>>>
>>> ____
>>> * I know, victims often have a hard time stepping up and complaining, so
>>> advocacy may be a good thing.  But that's a different discussion.  In these
>>> situations, there's no victim; there's no predator; there's just an
>>> accusation with little to back it up.
>>>
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>>>
>>>
>
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