[Callers] Problem dancers / Crying Wolf

[Lindsay Morris via Callers]

Appreciate that.  Don't think the "where there's smoke there's fire" issue
applies here, though.  It would if there were several *different* women
complaining about one man...

--------------------
Lindsay Morris
CEO, TSMworks
Tel. 1-859-539-9900
lindsay at tsmworks.com

On Wed, Sep 9, 2015 at 10:34 AM, Ron Blechner <contraron at gmail.com> wrote:

> Hi Lindsay,
>
> I realize this is a tricky topic, so apologies in advance if my brevity
> comes off as bruskness.
>
> These two suggestions work for Amherst Contra.
>
> As a proxy complaint comes in, a board member would seek out the source.
> Anonymous complaints are permitted, and a high level of ensuring that we
> ask open-ended questions, and not leading questions.
>
> We also wear board member buttons at dances and make regular announcements
> about us being available for any reason. Usually 4-7 members of our board
> attend any dance.
>
> You might speak privately to Will Loving, our lead organizer, if you're
> interested in more specifics.
>
> I would also caution about making such definitive statements as "just an
> accusation". In my experience, where there's smoke, there's fire. For every
> accusation, there's five people who are too uncomfortable to speak up.
>
> That said, I have seen the success of proactive addressing of issues. The
> biggest benefit is simple:
>
> Address it early when it's small, and not a huge deal. Maybe it's a simple
> misunderstanding. Maybe the person needed a clear boundary drawn. But wait
> until there's a pile of complaints, and you've already lost dancers and the
> resolution will need to be more severe for the offender.
>
> Best regards,
> Ron Blechner
> On Sep 9, 2015 10:08 AM, "Lindsay Morris via Callers" <
> callers at lists.sharedweight.net> wrote:
>
>> Chris Weiler's Positive Solutions
>> <http://www.puttinonthedance.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Positive-Solutions-Chris.pdf>
>> on dealing with problem dancers, and the CDU Policy
>> <http://www.puttinonthedance.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/09-12-16-CDU-policy-on-inappropriate-behavior.pdf>
>> are thoughtful and useful documents.
>>
>> We have a different problem here.
>>
>> One woman often complains to board members about men she sees as creepers
>> or sexual predators. She reports their misbehavior on behalf of their
>> victims. The victims don't initiate these reports.*
>>
>> Many others *don't* see these men as creepy or inappropriate.  Recently
>> one of the "victims" clarified that her discomfort with the man was a year
>> ago and she'd long ago dealt with it to her satisfaction.  The man in
>> question had heard only rumors that some nameless woman was unhappy about
>> some nameless thing he'd done.
>>
>> This woman also publicly asked that young women who feel harassed should
>> talk to her about it.  We feel that's the Board's job, not hers.
>>
>> It seems that this woman is fishing for - or even inventing -
>> "naughty-dancer" problems.
>>
>> When a married man gets accused of being a sexual predator, his wife has
>> to wonder if it's true. This adds to any marital tensions they may already
>> have.  So, while this woman is not actually punching anybody in the face,
>> it seems to me that she's committing violence.
>>
>> How should we handle this?
>>
>>    - I think we need a "No proxy complaints" policy - i.e., the victim
>>    has to speak up (and then our process will usually fix simple
>>    miscommunication issues).
>>    - We need to clearly identify board members, so genuine victims know
>>    who to talk to.
>>
>> But does anybody have other ideas about preventing one person's issues
>> from  poisoning the atmosphere of a mostly friendly dance?
>>
>> ____
>> * I know, victims often have a hard time stepping up and complaining, so
>> advocacy may be a good thing.  But that's a different discussion.  In these
>> situations, there's no victim; there's no predator; there's just an
>> accusation with little to back it up.
>>
>> _______________________________________________
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>>
>>
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